Mazes of the mind

Finished

2009-07-08T13:35:00.003-04:00

Okay... so I'm lazy and don't like taking the time to double-post here from Dreamwidth, and having to fight with this site's crappy layout and stuff. From this day forth (how serious!) all posts for Mazes of the Mind will be made at http://spiderwoman.dreamwidth.org/ and nowhere else. This archive will be kept open, since there's stuff I still like referencing, but no longer will I be posting here. Cheers!

Tarantulas everywhere!

2009-06-24T21:02:00.001-04:00

This post shall solely be dedicated to tarantulas! Now I've mentioned my spiders before I believe, and up until this morning, I only had two tarantula spiderlings. My first was Thor, was Grammostola pulchripes (formerly aureostriata), and my second was Pumpkin, my Pamphobeteus sp. "platyomma".

These are some before and after shots of Thor, after he molted. Left is before, right is after.
He's paler in the right photo because he hadn't quite hardened completely yet.

And this is a photo of Pumpkin, which I took about a week before he molted.
Eventually I'll get around to taking descent photos of him now that he's larger.

I get my little darlings from Tarantula Canada, run by two awesome people in Montreal, Amanda Gollaway and Martin Gamache. Anyhow, I'd made an order for two more little spiderlings, and they were to arrive yesterday morning. But something went horribly wrong. Somewhere along the line, Canada Post managed to lose the package with my two live tarantulas. Yes. They lost live animals in the mail.

So as you can imagine, I called up my breeders to find out why my package had not arrived, as it was supposed to arrive by noon yesterday. And this is how I found that out. But Amanda was wonderful. She took care of business and told me she would have two new T's sent to me the next day, this time via UPS. Well this morning at quarter to 9AM, my doorbell rang, and it was the UPS guy with my box of tarantulas, yay!

And to my pleasant surprise, there were more than just my two originally ordered tarantulas in there! There were another two that Amanda had sent along for free in compensation the time I lost taking it off work the day prior and just the hassle in general. Tarantula Canada is a very well run business and the people who run it are dedicated and do their best to make certain their spiders arrive alive and healthy, and that their customers are happy and satisfied. I'm definitely going to keep purchasing my T's from them in the future.

But anyhow... Here are some photos I took this morning, upon receiving the package with my new babies.

Those small containers are what the tarantula spiderlings come packed in.
The gauze is kept damp, and the spiderlings are delicately folded inside and packed into the container.

This is my Grammostola rosea, isn't he absolutely tiny and adorable? I had originally made an order for this one.

And this is another Grammostola rosea, but this time of the red colour form, another 'sling I had originally intended to purchase.

This is a Brachypelma vagans, one of the free spiderlings I was sent for my troubles.

And this tiny little dear (even smaller than the first G. rosea, believe it or not) is a Nhandu coloratovillosus,
the other free tarantula I was lucky enough to receive.

This is the shelf upon which I currently house all my spiders. The largest container doesn't house a tarantula however, it holds my female wolf spider, Fluffy. Pumpkin's container is the hexagon shaped one in the back. All the others hold smaller spiderlings.

It's actually kind of funny, because I only just received my first spiderling tarantula (Thor) in January of this year. In 6 months I've managed to collect 5 more tarantulas haha... and lord knows how many more I'll wind up with someday! At the moment I'm a little concerned, because both my N. coloratovillus and my regular G. rosea are very, very small. Their size in itself isn't a problem, but feeding them certainly is. My Thor is a good 4 times their size and even he can't yet consume live crickets, not even pinheads. I have to feed him cricket larvae instead. I'm just wondering if I'll be able to find larvae for all 5 of them, or if the red G. rosea and the B. vagans might be willing to eat pinhead crickets, unlike Thor. It's all a little worrisome, anyway.

But anyhow... if any of you are wondering what my little ones will look like full grown... here are some photos, care of Tarantula Canada!

This is a female Grammostola pulchripes, Thor's species. The males look the same if slightly slimmer.

This is what Pumpkin, my Pamphobeteus sp. "platyomma" will look like if a female.

But if male... he will grow up to look like this!

My Grammostola rosea will grow up to look like this if male, and slightly less furry and less bright if female.

I.E. more like this if it's a girl.

My red colour form G. rosea will turn out like this. The females look the same, but are bulkier.

My Brachypelma vagans will grow up into this if female, and simply leaner and longer legged if male.

And finally, my Nhandy coloratovillosus will look like this if female.

And like this if male.

Anyhow... it's crazy hot, and I'd like to have some ice cream before bed. That, and I want to try and feed my Nhandu coloratovillosus a small larvae I have, before the thing gets too big to eat haha... Cheers!

Pumpkin Molted! (and older un-posted post)

2009-06-21T19:19:00.001-04:00

I got home from work Friday to discover that my Pamphobeteus sp. "platyomma" tarantula, Pumpkin, had molted during the day! This makes me terribly happy. He'd only molted a month ago and has already molted again. He's grown a good 1/2 inch with this molt. Just to show you how much he's grown between this molt and the last...

The one of the left is obviously the one from Friday and the smaller one is from a month ago. The difference is huge, isn't it? It's amazing how that larger form was squashed inside that smaller one. Spiders are such crazy awesome creatures.

I'm very excited about getting my two new T's on Tuesday, too. They're both Grammostola rosea, although one of them is the red colour form. So instead of being the typical pink/brown, it's red. I'm most likely going to take a bizzilion photos when they get here, so you'll get a good look at my next little lieblings.

I'm also pondering getting another cat. I'm away from home a lot and I don't like leaving my poor cat alone at home so much. I think he's lonely because he's so desperately happy when I get home in the evening, and so afraid that I'm going to leave when I do. Poor little guy. If I do get a cat though, I am not getting a kitten. As adorable as they are, they are a load of work. Not to mention insane balls of psychotic energy. And I live in a small apartment and would really rather not have a kamakaze kitten ruling the roost. If I do get another cat, it'll be an adult cat that someone can't keep any longer. I was thinking shelter cat, but I really don't want to have to pay $175 for what someone will give me for free. There are plenty of people giving away adult cats though, fixed and everything, often with supplies. Either because of allergies or new babies or whatnot.

We'll see though... taking on another cat is a helluva bigger investment - money, space, effort and time-wise - than my other pets are so I'm going to be putting a lot of thought into this before doing anything. There is one cat I spotted on Kijiji that got my attention, but I still think it's too early for me to really be able to tell if I want to adopt him and bring another cat home just yet.

And in non-pet related news, I am being driven insane by my friend. It is affecting me a helluva lot more than I thought it would. I'm constantly grumpy or in a bad mood simply because he's here. It looks like he's leaving on Thursday though, so a whole week ahead of what was expected... Still not soon enough for me though. Eh well. I learned my lesson.

I still managed to have a good weekend though. Friday night I went to the Lookout for Girl's night with my girlfriends and we danced and drank and had a great time. I even wore my super high heels out, which was nice. I like dressing up. Saturday I only got up at 2pm haha... I had my friend Tina over for supper and made some chicken and shrimp curries, and that night we were supposed to go to the Lookout again for Drag night, but there was oddly enough, a cover. And since there usually isn't and neither of us wanted to pay... we skipped out haha... We wound up walking down the canal and just talking. It was so nice out, we didn't really mind.

Today I did some cleaning, finished two books I had been reading (In Search of the Old Ones, and The Funny Thing is) and tried not to freak out on my friend. Speaking of which... I'm going to finish this and do some more reading before I cave to the urge to strangle him. Ugh.

(old post)

Yep... the girl who couldn't wait to live alone went and agreed to someone bunking on her couch. It's for a week or two... until July 2nd the latest. My friend got kicked out by his girlfriend after they broke up and he needed somewhere to stay until he could move into his apartment on the 2nd. And because I'm a nice and stupid person, I offered my couch up. Durh.

He hasn't been there for an entire day yet and I already miss my privacy. Feh. I don't mind him... I just... mind not having my space. And he seems to keep trying to be polite by conversing with me whenever we're both there, and well... I just want to continue living in my home like I did when he wasn't there. I'm not his host, he's not my guest... he's sleeping on my couch. Bah. I'm weird. But this is the last time I do this.

In more YAY news, I'm getting two more tarantulas! A Grammostola rosea, and a Grammostola rosea of the red colour form. Two little 1/2" spiderlings which will be arriving Tuesday morning. Ah I'm so excited! More little darlings to love!

Plus my father says that he caught two more large spiders and is keeping them for me until they either come to Ottawa or I go visit them. Ah, my little zoo, it is expanding!

It finally feels like summer out. And by that, I mean ridiculously, unbearably hot and humid. Ah, summer in North Ontario. Oh well... I'd rather be hot than cold I suppose.

Anyhow, there's some stuff I should probably get done here at work... Cheers!

My weekend and moar!

2009-06-08T21:16:00.004-04:00

Okay! This post is going to be text light and photo heavy... because I am lazy and I just want to get it done already! Okay! Here goes!

So Friday I came home, and since I didn't have enough laundry to bother going to the laundromat, I chilled for a bit, made myself some sweet and sour chicken balls and shrimp, and some salad for supper. Then I biked out to Dow's Lake and sat around for wee bit, admiring the water and the birds. I wrote a wee poem in my new notebook too, which you can find here.

On Saturday I met up with my friends Tina and Dustin, and we walked off to the Art in the Park, or as they called it this year, The New Art Festival. It was very hoity toity, and everything cost ridiculously too much, although some of the stuff was pretty nice. Oh... and on the walk over... we saw this amazing truck... I wish they made men like they used to make trucks!

Isn't it gorgeous?!

And here with Dustin's Low Rider bike... beautiful truck!

Awesome metal fishy!

These made me laugh... little leather holsters for inhalers!

The guy carved this with a chainsaw!

If I had had the $200 to spare, I would have taken this home!

Metal Moose!

So yeah, that was the outdoor art show... after that I parted with Tina and Dustin. I did some groceries, because it was just so beautiful out and it was an excuse to go out walking. Then I went biking again, back out to Dow's Lake and up the Rideau Canal to a set of locks. It was absolutely beautiful that evening, and I got some amazing photos.

Looks like I'm standing on the water doesn't it?

I was actually standing on this tree!

See? Haha... I kept worrying I would fall in XD

And then I came upon the locks!

Hurr, mah foot! I was surprised they let us so close to the edge unsupervised.
Doesn't look it, but that,s a good 15 foot drop into the water below.

Crossing one of the lock gates... see the different water levels?

And the view from on it.

And the beautiful view of the canal on the lowest gate on the way back home...

So yes! That was Saturday! And then yesterday we (Tina, Dustin and I) went to this open house thing in one of the Agricultural buildings and looked at some of their framed bug collection. That's where I got to hold the Rose Hair tarantula. I was a little upset though, because the man handling her and letting people hold her had no idea what species she was or anything about them at all!

I spotted it, and knew instantly that it was a Grammostola Rosea (one of my Thor's cousins actually) and asked him, just to be certain, and the guy said he didn't know. Then he said it was a 2 years old female, and she would live another 2-3 years. Bull shit. G. rosea females can live up to 30 years! I've seen females of the species older than I am! And when another woman asked him if they were very quick, he again said he didn't know. I really don't think this man should have been in charge of that tarantula. He was indangering it, letting children hold it over the floor. Had it fallen, it would almost certainly have died a horrible death. I was not pleased by that. People are just not responsible, and don't seem to care about the animals under their care.

Anyway, that's my little spider rant.

I went biking again last evening. And stopped to pet some little baby goslings on the side of the bike path.

Aw, aren't they cute? Getting their adult plumage soon.

Aaand a video of me being a total dork with said goslings... hah!

And yes... that was my weekend. In biiiig picture style. I went biking again today, but it wasn't as nice out. Cloudy and windy and a little chill. But eh. I'm happy because my buddy Jesse says he'll be going to Motion Notion now, so I'll get to see him there! For a while it looked like he wasn't going.

Anyhow... I should get to bed and whatnot... work in the morning and all that.

Oh but before I go... a friend of mine just re-opened a new account on Deviant Art, and I really think you should check his stuff out! He used to go by the name kombat-unit there, but now is known as torture-device. He does some really awesome if somewhat disturbing artwork. Certainly something to check out if you don't mind blood and guts and the occasional swastika.

Cheers!

It is done!

2009-06-04T10:31:00.001-04:00

I have officially bought my plane tickets out to Alberta. Oh man. I'm starting to fret a little about the flight... I've never so much as been near a plane, much less on one. The friend that I'm going to see did a good job of comforting me and helping me not to worry too much about it though, since she's taken quite a few flights in the last while.

Apparently I got a really good deal on the tickets too... cost me a little over $650 round trip, taxes and fees included. I'm quite satisfied with that price, personally. It's a lot of money, certainly, but it'll be worth it.

Holy shit I'm going to Alberta!!! *runs around like a maniac*

I've barely left Ontario, only slight forrays into Québec and really not very far in. This is... this is halfway across the country! Gah! Craziness! I'm so excited though!

Now I just need to buy my Motion Notion ticket, and I'll be set. Oh man, I just looked at a ton of photos from the previous years and I am so pumped... this is going to be amazing!!!! Here... have a look-see for yourself!

This thing just explodes with awesome!!!! And I haven't even been yet! XD *flails*

I haven't seen my friend Nat i over a year now, not since she moved out to Alberta this time last year. We went to high school together and I've known her for years and years... I'll be the first person she sees from back home to go out there since she left Ontario. Ah it will be marvelous seeing her again.

Damn... now I'm all really wanting to go, hardcore. 6 weeks away! XD Woo!

In other news... I am entering a baking contest at work! It's Public Service week in two weeks and since I work for the government, they're holding a bunch of different events and stuff. Most of it totally doesn't interest me, but I love baking... so I am going to participate in this! (the fact that I've been officially claimed as the library's baker lady by the staff means I'm also kiiind of obligated now haha but I don't mind) The theme is "Olympics 2010" and I'm going to put a little library spin to it.

The cake will be a regular cake - chocolate or vanilla, I've yet to decide - into which I will carve the vague shape of an open book i.e. slightly rounded with a little dip in the middle. This I will then cover in fondant (my enemy, I will try using you again!) and using a fork will score 'pages' into the sides. I will pipe coloured icing around the edges to mock a book cover.

On the open 'pages' of the book, on the left side, there will be the 2010 Olympic's logo, made of rice crispy treats covered in appropriately coloured fondant. It will be nice and 3D, and give the cake a nice 'pop' effect I think. On the right, so far we're thinking just piping "Vancouver 2010" and maybe the 5 olympic rings. Still working on that bit.

But yeah... I'm really kind of excited about this! I love theme cakes, and I love pushing my baking skills. Ah, it will be good. And since the one woman in my team has a car and a larger kitchen than my own, we'll do the baking at her place and she'll be able to transport the cake to work come time. I'm certainly going to take photos of the finished product (unless something catastrophic happens and it's hideous) to show you guys. =D

My last attempt at using fondant didn't go quite as I'd planned... I made an Easter Egg cake when my parents' came up to visit me over Easter. It didn't fail horribly, but I'm not all that proud of it either. Eh, I can't get worse.

But yesss.... OMG ALBERTA! *explodes*

Dear self-existence

2009-06-01T10:35:00.001-04:00

What gives? You have the exterior semblance of being totally awesome. I mean, I have everything I could possibly want to be happy. A stable, permanent, well paying job. A home of my own that I do not have to share with any other repulsive form of human life. More pets than I can poke a stick at (however, no pet poking, that's not nice). Freedom to do as I please and the money with which to do it.

And yet I still languish in some strange state of semi-depression and slothfullness. I have little motivation to actually do anything. Or those things I want to do, I cannot due to circumstances out of my control.

I've also noticed that my temper and short patience are returning... things like the sound of a woman's high heels, or my cubicle-neighour's mumbling gets me ridiculously and pointlessly angry.

I dread coming in to work, and the horrific reality that I'm going to spend the next 30-35 years of my life, five days a week from 8am to 4pm coming in to a place to do work that means nothing to me and does nothing for my life is fucking depressing.

I am going to spend the 'best years of my life' in some climate controlled building, wasting precious hours and days that I will never have again! I'm stressing out about this and I haven't even lived those hours to waste them yet!

And don't you come tell me to go back to school or get another job... in this economy? Yeah right. That would be the equivalent of jumping out the window from the 11th floor here.

The only time I'm ever actually excited and not in some neutral mind set, is when I have something to look forward to. Like seeing a friend in the afternoon, or picking up a certain item I've been waiting for, and usually only if it's a day or two away. Otherwise? What the fuck is there to be enthusiastic about when all there is to look forward to is a repeat of last week, and next week, and the week three fucking years from now most likely. Wake, work, home, sleep, wake, work, home, sleep, wake, work... kill me.

Am I going through a mid-life crisis at 20?

Serious post is serious... two in a row, what am I thinking?

But in less doom-and-gloom news... I think I'm being dragged along to a spa on Wednesday to go get a manicure and junk like that. My friend asked me to go and since I'll try anything once... eh, why not.

I had a pretty darned busy weekend. Friday I did my usual laundry - when the laundromat is nice and empty - and came home and took a shower, helped Tina bring my old TV down since I have a new one and gave it to her, and just mellowed out for a bit. Saturday - after a shitty morning of half sleep because my downstairs neighbour thought it would be a brilliant idea to blast lame music at 7:45am - I walked to the Rideau Centre and did some errands, and bought some really pretty long summer dresses at the Fairweather. I also picked up the new Heaven and Hell CD, because I love Black Sabbath even if they're not aloud to call themselves that. I got some more Carolans because I was about to run out and I love that stuff in my coffee. It's the only reason I buy it.

Then I bussed out to my friend Tina's, returned the sunglasses she'd forgotten at my house the night before, and picked up the bicycle her boyfriend Dustin had gotten for me. Then I walked the bike all the way back to Bank and Somerset and left it at a bike shop to get some new tears and the chain cover put on. I am looking forward to having my bicycle... even if I stupidly never actually got on it so I don't even know if it's the right size XD I'm so smart...

I also made a batch of moose jerky Saturday night. I had a huge ass moose roast in my freezer, and living alone, I knew I would never eat the entire thing if I thawed it. So, I made it into jerky. Tasty, long lasting, and a good use of an otherwise awkwardly huge amount of meat.

Speaking of Saturday night... I wound up leaving the house a little after midnight to meet up with my friend Zac. I didn't feel like sitting around alone all night again and he wasn't up to anything either so we went out for Pho. It was fun to see him again, since now that he's moved to Gatineau, I don't see him all that much. Then again I didn't see him all that much before when he lived in Westboro either so... heh.

We realized that we started dating a year ago today... kinda funny. Zac was my best male friend for the longest time and even though we dated for two months, we're still amazing friends. I refuse to let silly things like relationships ruin friendships. Which is why I'm still wonderful friends with my two last exes, Zac and Gavin. Oddly enough, the very few males friends I do have, I have either dated, or have wanted to date me haha...

Anyhow, then on Sunday I did all my typical Sunday things, like dishes and vacuuming and taking out all the trash. I also cleaned out the litter box and the rat cage because it was getting stinky. I went shopping for a bit of groceries and some pet supplies and spent over twice as much on the animals as I did myself haha... There's 8 of them though, and 1 of me... that's kind of bound to happen I suppose.

And I don't know what did it... but all my muscles were so sore yesterday, and still are. I feel like I've been working ridiculously hard or something... but I haven't? I don't quite get it. Maybe it was all the walking and stuff carrying and... I don't know. Eh. So long as it means my muscles are getting stronger.

I really want to work out and get stronger, lose some fat and gain some muscle. I don't like being weak and living in the city these last few years has made me go a little soft. I'm eating lots of salad though, and trying to lay off unhealthy foods... if you have any tips on weightloss/muscle gain/yummy healthy foods, I'd love to hear them!

Cheers!

Night thoughts

2009-05-30T01:26:00.001-04:00

It is exactly half past midnight as I start to type this. My apartment is silent. I can clearly hear the ticking of the clock behind and above me. The hum of my laptop fan, and the fridge in the nearby kitchen. The loudest sound here is indeed the clicking of the keys on my keyboard.

I'm in one of those moods. Those, thoughtful moods. Ones that, if I don't keep them in check, will usually lead me to tears. I haven't cried in a very, very long time. I don't know if I can anymore, though.

This is just one of many Fridays that I've found myself spending alone lately. And tomorrow night will likely be no different. I don't mind the solitude usually, as there are really very few people out there that I actually want to be around. But those few that I do want to be around... their absence is all the more apparent.

Especially one person in particular. I know he'll never read this, not unless I show it to him. Which, if I see him again any time soon, I wouldn't mind doing. So if you're reading this Matt... hang on tight because this is going to be a wicked little bit of writing. Straight to the deepest depths of my brain and back. You said you wanted everything... this is it, because I'm thinking of you, man.

I've been told I am both ridiculously simple, and horribly complex. That I am a shallow, thoughtless, cruel person... and yet the most thoughtful, giving, caring person too. Truth being, I'm both. My surface character is a very simple person, my vanguard personality against the outside world. Strong, brutal, independent. A loner. People can't hurt me if I keep them at arm's length. And Gods know I've been hurt enough to want to avoid that.

I think there's only really one person who I allow to see deep inside of me. To whom I am completely open, completely truthful, completely... complete. That person, would be my friend Tina. I met her a year ago, almost to the day. I started a job and she worked there too, and I remember thinking she seemed really odd, but also really cool. I wanted to get to know her - she was the only person even near my age in that workplace for one thing - but I was worried I would bother her. Eventually though, I opened up a little and one thing leading to another, we started spending more time together outside of work.

This turned into probably my most cherished friendship, the best friendship I've ever had in my entire life. And that is saying a lot. I've been... friends with enough people. But this goes deeper than that. I never saw any need to camouflage any part of myself around her. I never felt like she was judging me, or looking down on me. I gave my all to her. And in return she gave back in friendship and love.

If there's any one person in this city I'd put my life on the line for, this would be she.

I've always had a really tough time opening up to people. Whenever I did, they usually found something to dislike, to reject me for. And I have been rejected for many a thing. After a while, being pushed away because you're not quite as feminine, or because you're not obsessed with makeup or shit like that, just becomes everyday, totally normal. Why would I want to know those people anyway, right? But I've been rejected, tossed aside, by the very people I had thought would be there for me, for things that were completely out of my control anymore.

I'm not going to go into detail about it because I would be here for a very long time, but the last few years I lived with my parents were really rough years for me. It was a shitty time at home, issues with my parents, issues at school... issues with myself. I did stupid things. I was turning away the few people who seemed to tolerate me, and making those who loved me turn against me with my actions that seemed to be against them. I'm not proud of who I was back then. It's a part of my life I like to leave behind and not really mention. The skeleton in my closet, I guess. One of several.

Anyway, during those years, when I was 16 specifically, something in particular happened that marked me for the rest of my life. I'm only 20 now, but I know that that event will continue to haunt me until the day I die. You told me once that you have to bring things out in the open to help get over them. I buried that body years ago, and I'm doing my best to avoid stepping on the grave. I don't think digging it up is going to help me any. This hurts enough as it is.

Someone hurt me. Very badly. Someone that I, in my youthful innocence, had thought was there to help me. They used me, body and mind. My body healed quickly... but there's a horrific scar on my soul left behind that I know will never fade. My aggressive behavior, and anti-social ways are my way of hiding that scar and making certain nobody ever gets that close to me again. I kinda failed though, because barely two years later, I let another person into my life that hurt me just as bad.

That would be my ex-boyfriend, actually. The whole story behind that is an entire other kettle of fish, so I won't go into that either. But needless to say, he also abused me in much the same way. My body and my mind were at his mercy for a long time. A year I lived with him. A year and more I spent loving him, even when he clearly was only out to hurt me. I'm a sucker for punishment I guess...

There's another scar deep inside me left by that boy. I say boy because I certainly can't call him a man.

It took me months to get over what happened though. When someone you love with your entire being, someone who you have wrapped your existence around, doesn't even care enough to keep a roof over your head... that really fucks with your mind. I spent months floating around, just going through the motions, trying to find myself again. I had to completely reconstruct who I was and what I was living for because I had lost my previous reason for living.

I learned the hard way that relationships only work when both people are willing to put effort into it. No matter how hard I try, if the other person doesn't contribute, it's just not gonna work. It doesn't seem to go anywhere... and I just wind up hurt. I know I'm rambling now but I need to get this off my chest and speaking it out loud just... it never seems to get said properly. Or at least entirely. I don't even know what I'm getting at anymore...

Anyway yeah, so after that, I was even more closed in. I spent a while refusing to have feelings for anybody. Then I met a lad who seemed like someone completely different... he genuinely cared about me. We dated - for a very short time however - and for a little while I was happy. But then one day, I was in a bit of a funk, the skeletons in my closet rattling their bones, eh? And he asked to know what had happened, what was it that marked me so strongly? And here was I, thinking that this good man would be able to accept what had happened to me and perhaps, even help me finally really get over it.

Yeah right. He used it as a reason to dump me. Wasn't his problem, didn't want damaged goods. Sorry folks, but the air tight seal on this one's been broken, ain't no more good. I fall into that mentality a lot, even though I try not to. But it's difficult, whenever I grow feelings for someone that it always backfires and winds up burning me.

Can you see why I so dislike telling people what the fuck is wrong with me? Because I'm just trash with a shiny exterior, and I don't want people to throw me away.

I've spent the last... oh, year I guess, randomly hooking up with people. Sex is easy. Feelings... not so much. And you know, for a while, I was alright. I was cruising. I just had to call any of a few numbers and I knew I would have someone to come warm my bed. But come morning... they were gone. And that's when I started to realize... that's really what I wanted. I didn't care about the sex, I just... I just wanted someone to hold me.

I still want that. I so desperately want someone to love me... and not let it be a lie. I have been lied so many times. I just, I assume that what most people tell me is lies because that's usually all I get. I meet people and automatically mistrust them, and try to figure out what they want from me.

But then Tina... she cracked me open. She got past all the posturing bullshit, to the insecure, lonely woman inside. That's really what I am you know... I've been told I'm too trusting, that I love too much, give too much of myself. But it's my nature. I give myself in my entirety to those I think deserving. And over and over I have been crushed, my heart smashed to pieces.

And I pick up the shards, and do my best to put them back together again. And just when I think that things are better and I am whole... someone else comes along and shatters me. Eventually there's going to be more glue holding it together than there are actual parts of me there.

But then, why don't I just stop what I'm doing, right? Stop giving so much of myself. But I can't. Deep down I keep hoping that someone will take my heart as I give it, and finally treat it like I hope it to be. I could stop, yes. And I probably wouldn't be so hurt. But I wouldn't feel love, either. And being able to love someone is something I need. I'm a very loving person. It's why I have so many pets, because I have so much love to give but so few people to give it to. It's got to go somewhere.

I'm offering it to you, you know. Yup, you. I told I don't throw that sort of thing around, and I don't. I love Tina too. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her friendship. She is one of a handful of people who mean the world to me... and outside that, there's not really anybody at all. She, my parents, a few other family members... and if you let it happen, you.

I don't expect people to love me when I love them. I don't ask anything of those I love. I am content simply loving peacefully, and not being hurt. I'll gracefully accept if they do not return the feeling and love from the shadows, as a friend. However... that doesn't seem to work out for me. People seem to love to hurt me.

You said once that you don't want to hurt me. But you have, and whether that was on purpose on not, doesn't change the fact that you have. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold it against you. But still, please realize you are doing that. Maybe you need to figure out how on your own.

I am so confused. I just... When I feel a certain way about someone, I tell them. Straight out. Black and white. And I'd just like a black and white answer back. Right now, all I'm getting is grey. If someone can't give me a definitive yes... just, give me a no and I'll go away and stop torturing myself.

Well. I'd still torture myself. Probably for months... it's what I do best after all. I said earlier that I try to avoid the graves of the bodies I've burried. But I'm a sucker for punishment too and sometimes I just go dance on the damn things until I'm raw and bloody. Yeah, I know I make no sense. But it's quarter after 1AM now and my metaphors don't have to be coherent.

I kinda wish I could cry right now. I can feel the tears burning behind my eyes but nothing is coming out.

There's a hollow ache in my chest like someone scooped my heart out.

I wish I could say I can't take this any longer. That I'm cutting it off, ending it. But I can't. I've tried... and I keep coming back. And I know I'm going to keep crawling back because my love is stubborn, and my loyalty undying. And it takes a lot to make me change my mind concerning such matters. And with things in the grey... I keep hoping there's some way for me to turn them black, turn them into a positive, into a yes.

I'm sitting here, alone in the silence. My heart is wide open, and totally accepting. I offer care, loyalty, trust, compassion, friendship... many things, but most of all my love.

Will it be accepted? Damned if I know. I'm lost in the fog of grey right now.

And now I think, it's time for me to retire to the fog of sleep. And if I'm lucky, I'll dream sweet dreams of you, and sleep the restful sleep I only seem to get when you're beside me.

Bonne nuit, mon amour...

Blossom and Peep

2009-05-28T17:28:00.001-04:00

I have photos of them! Not the best, and eventually I will have better ones. But here are my two little rat girls, Blossom and Peep.

The girls in their cage.

This is Peep.

And this is Blossom.

Aren't they adorable? Aren't Blossom's little dumbo ears so damned cute?! Ahh... I love my little ratties. I took Blossom out last evening, the first time I actually hold either of them. She pooped quite a bit, panicked she was, but that didn't deter me. Eventually she was snuggled up in my hair, and then against my neck. She didn't really want to go back in the cage after though XD Kept trying to climb up my arm.

Anyhow, that's it for now...

Cheers!

Two new additions to the family!

2009-05-27T15:26:00.002-04:00

Not humans of course, certainly not. I'm talking about two lovely little girl rats! I picked them up last night from Amanda, the owner of the Rats-R-Us Rattery in Ottawa.

I don't have photos right this moment, because the girls have been hiding out in their little house since I brought them home. You would want to hide in a nice cozy place too if you'd just been taken from all your brothers and sisters, shoved in a strange shoe-box that shakes and rumbles, only to be taken out into a strange new cage with a cat staring at you from outside.

My cat Caramel has lived with me when I've had rats before so I'm not too worried about him bothering them. At the moment, he'll sit and stare at the cage for 5-10 minutes and then wander off. He was more interested in the box I'd brought the rats home in last evening than the rats themselves, actually.

I'm hoping tonight that Blossom and Peep are more sociable and willing to come out. Maybe then I'll be lucky enough to get a few photos of them. They're such darling little things, it's impossible not to love them.

In other news... I am planning a trip to Alberta! This is going to go down in mid-July. I have an old friend from high school who moved out there for work and I'll be spending a week with her. We're planning on going to Motion Notion, this crazy four-day outdoor music festival. It's going to be amazing. Plus, my buddy Jesse is going to go to the festival too and I plan on meeting up with him there, and I'm quite excited about that too. If I'm really lucky, I might even be able to see my college friend Jennifer, who moved there last summer after she got married.

I'm really stoked about this trip because I've barely left Ontario in my entire life, and Alberta seems so far away. I mean, I've been kind of planning this trip for ages, but now that things are becoming really concrete... it's looking more real to me. It's almost a little scary, actually!

Let's just hope that the plane tickets I've been looking at are still available once my credit card arrives. I currently have a credit card but it doesn't have enough money on it for me to be able to buy my tickets. I have another card coming, which should arrive late next week... hopefully in time to get those tickets of mine. Technically I could buy them individually, pay off my card, and buy the return set, but I don't like the thought of that. I'm keeping an eye on seat availablity though, and if it gets tight... I'll just have to buy them individually and suck it up.

A close friend of mine with whom I was talking about everything I plan on doing this year noted that, all she could think about when I was telling her these things was how much money I was spending. And she's right, I am spending a lot of money this year.

I'm seeing KISS live in concert. I'm going to Alberta, and Motion Notion. I'm seeing AC/DC live in concert. I'm going to be getting my driver's license upgraded and getting a car. And it looks like I'm going to Floriday in November, too. That's thousands of dollars I'm spending. And you know what? I don't care. It's just money. I can always make more. And I damn well know I'm going to enjoy spending it, that's for sure!

People are just way too attached to money these days, getting it and keeping it. Sure, it's nice to have, but what's the point if you don't do anything with it? And while I might be spending all this money, I'll never spend so much that I can't pay my rent, or my bills, or feed myself and my many pets. There's an underlying level of responsiblity beneath all this seemingly willy-nilly spending of mine.

People need to realize that we work to live... we don't live to work. The whole point of working is so that you can have money to enjoy yourself with when you're not working! And considering that the last 2 and some years of my life have been very devoid of enjoyment indeed, I am totally making the most of things.

Cheers!

Gone

2009-05-23T19:37:00.001-04:00

I'm sad to report that my wolf spider Precious is dead. He was molting... and didn't make it through. I found him with two legs still trapped in the old molt. On a lighter note, Fluffy, the other wolf spider, has been transferred to a larger container, and is eating well. Pumpkin also ate last evening, for the first time since his molt. Also, my toad Mr. Toady (yes I know, terribly creative) is doing quite well and is growing very fat.

Mr. Toady!

Fluffy the wolf spider

Fluffy again

Precious... you will be missed little one. (the paler legs are his old molt, in which he is trapped)

Today I went to the Great Glebe Garage Sale... pretty much a neighbourhood-wide garage sale that takes place every year. I scored a ton of stuff too... got a rat cage and all the fixings (wheels, house, bowls, water bottle and bedding) for $20. I got a large Critter Keeper for $5, a big fish bowl for $5, some curtains for $15, leather gloves for $5, and a bunch of old records for $25 (basically $5 a record).

I'm hella tired though... got up at 6:30am, and walked around from 8am to 2pm. Long damn day.

I'm gonna go relax... cheers!

One helluva weekend

2009-05-19T10:05:00.004-04:00

I'm sitting here at work on Tuesday morning, and I am burnt out. So ridiculously tired. I had the most amazing weekend, however. Sure, I only got about 15 hours of sleep between Friday morning and Monday night, but hey! As a good friend of mine told me after I told her that... "You're a machine!" I just like to make the most of my time, heh.

I woke at 6am Friday morning, went to work as per usual, then that night went to be around 3am at my parents'. I woke at 8am Saturday morning, and went to be around 4am that night. Then I woke at 11am Sunday morning, and went to be around 5:30am. And Monday morning I woke at 8am and went to bed at 9pm last night. I'm crazy.

So what did I do all weekend though? Went on a totally amazing trip with my very best friends. After we were all done work Friday afternoon, we all got into the car and made our way to my parents' place in Sturgeon Falls, a little over four hours away. There was myself, my best friend Tina, her boyfriend Dustin and her brother (and my guy) Matt. The weekend was filled with laughter and good food and good conversation. My parents loved my friends and my friends loved them and it was just a totally great weekend... And we caught a lot of fish.

We actually almost weren't able to go fishing. The weather in Sturgeon Falls was ridiculously windy for most of the time we were there. The boys tried fishing on the shore but it was just too windy and everybody was getting soaked. (I had elected not to bother and stayed away from the edge and the huge waves and thus remained nice and dry) Then that night (Saturday night that is) when we went to go barbotte fishing, with the water being so high, the waves were washing right over the dock we usually go to. We wound up going home and playing cards until the wee hours of the morning.

Then on Sunday it was still stupidly windy, and I was getting quite discouraged... but finally the wind let down and we went out that night back to Lavigne for some good proper barbotte fishing! We didn't bother counting the fish but we probably got around 75. I caught the most, with no competition... mostly because I usually had three lines in the water at once most of the night haha...

Here are some photos and videos I took over the weekend. Be warned, some of the videos are a little graphic.

My friend Dustin, fishing near my parents' house on Lake Nipissing.

My parents and Matt.

My guy, Matt. <3

My friend Tina.

First fish of the night... no surprise that it's a perch. This is at Duck Creek.

My mom, with a tiny little Sun Fish.

One of many Rock Bass I caught.

Our night's catch of barbotte. I wanted to stay longer...

But yes! Those are the photos I took of the fishing trip... I would have liked to have more, but it's hard to take photos when you have fishing flying through the air and have slime up to your elbows and worms in your pockets (I got tired of going back to the worm bucket every two minutes so I just shoved a handful of them into my sweater pocket). And now on to the videos! The first is harmless, the second two involve blood and guts. Beware.

This is a video of a barbotte... swimming in my parents' kitchen sink.

A headless, organless, piece of fish flesh, flopping around.

Me cleaning a barbotte. You can see my tattoo.

Now that the whole fishing trip thing is out of the way.... on to other news! My tarantula Pumpkin, a Pamphobeteus sp. "platyomma" has molted! His first molt with me! I had been expecting him to molt since he was snubbing food when he usually eats like a hog, and sure enough, he had molted while I was away.

He probably hadn't molted long before I arrived either because he was still a milky white when I saw him, relaxing in his little container. I pulled out the old molt and put it in the molt container (as I am going to keep all their molts). He's grown a startling amount, at least 1/4 inch larger, and probably even bigger once he fully stretches out and hardens. Ah, my little eight-legged lieblings are growing up.

Pumpkin's molt, his first with me.

Pumpkin in his container. See how pale he is?

Side view of Pumpkin in his container.

And in further spider news! I have two new additions to the family! Two juvenile Wolf Spiders (Araneomorphae Lycosidae) that my father caught me and I was able to bring home over the weekend. Now I have four wonderful little spiders living in my home with me!

This is Precious.

And this is Fluffy.

Yes, I named my wold spiders Precious and Fluffy. Because that is exactly what they both are. My wonderful little ones! I've been waiting ages to finally be able to bring them home with me and I am quite happy.

Now... I'm fairly certain that just about covers everything I've been up to since my last post... pretty certain.

Oh, well, there's one other little thing. I'm in love. =D

Cheers!

2009-05-14T20:24:00.003-04:00

So as I mentioned yesterday, I went out for a walk with my friend Tina to go check out the tulips at the Tulip Festival. It was an absolutely gorgeous day out and I got many beautiful photos. I had no idea there were so many kinds of tulips! No idea! Here, have a look for yourself! : ) (please click on the photos to see them in their entirety, blogspot doesn't cooperate too well when I'm posting photos already online)

Those are the only ones I posted to Deviant Art, but here are more I quite like.

And finally my friend and I. I'm on the left. ^_^

Anyway... now I'm kinda tired, and half expecting company tonight, so that's enough of this... cheers!

Dreamwidth account

2009-05-13T14:31:00.002-04:00

I recently set up a new account on Dreamwidth, a site very similar to Live Journal, so I'm told. My own account can be found here. I still plan on updating this blog, as I've had it far too long to simply abandon it for some new fangled site and I quite like the history of some of my older posts. It shows a progression in my personality, and who I am as a person and where I'm going with my life. From now on, the posts here and those on my Dreamwidth account will likely be mirroring each other.

This evening I'm going to go do the rounds of the city for Ottawa's Tulip Festival. I was supposed to go last Sunday but the weather was less than agreeable this past weekend and we wound up not going. However, today is gorgeous and sunny, so a friend and I will be going out for a stroll with our cameras to see what there is to see. I'll certainly take the time to share some of my better photos.

I also have a trip coming up this weekend to go visit my parents. Three of my friends are coming along, for a fishing trip and some good relaxation away from the city. My parents live in a very beautiful area, with their house sitting on the shore of a very large lake, and odds are I'll come away from there with quite a few nice photographs to share with you as well.

I went to the library over lunch today and picked up two books for myself. One is the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy because I've been hearing from so many people that it's such an amazing book. The other is a book about skills to survive in the wilderness. I quite like that subject and would love to learn more, and have several more books on the subject lined up for my future reading. I recently was reading one of the Foxfire books, a series of magazines published in the late 60's and early 70's about traditional mountain life that were then compiled into 4 volumes. They gave amazingly accurate and detailed instructions on how to build a traditional log cabin, and I can tell you that my fingers are itching to build one now haha... maybe I could make a model? Hm...

Anyhow, that's enough from me for now, cheers!

Is this love?

2009-05-10T21:03:00.003-04:00

Yeah, I think I'm falling in love. Pretty hard, too. Well then. Wish me luck eh? I'm falling head over heels and I really don't want to get hurt on my way down.

New tattoo and new critter

2009-05-03T17:17:00.007-04:00

So I was able to get my tattoo done yesterday! YAY! I am sooo happy, and I love it. The guy did an amazing job. His work can be seen here, and my tattoo is seen here. This is my tattoo! The name was already there, he did the flowers. He did a crazy good job. Worth every penny of the $350 and every minute of the 4 1/2 hour sitting.

Matt came with me for the first hour and a half of my tattoo but then went to spend time with his cousin, since they don't see each other often either. I'm glad I got to see him but I wish I could have seen him longer. Going to his place fell through since he'd gotten a ride up with his mum and she wanted to leave at 7PM so. Anyway, moving on!

Friday night I was walking home with some friends when my friend Tina exclaimed in surprise. I turned and looked at what she was pointing at and saw... a toad! I was so happy to see one, so I quickly picked it up. And I brought it home. And bought it a container. And now it's living on my TV haha... Here is the toad.

And! I was doing some container maintenance for my tarantula Thor because I didn't like how his burrowing was going, the substrate was too unstable. Anyways, during the process I had the chance to handle him a little and I took a couple photos. Here is one I particularly like. Isn't my baby absolutely adorable?

Anyhow, I still have to vacuum and do a bit of house cleaning, and take out the trash... all that jazz. So I best get to it before it gets too late!

Cheers!

Everybody's working for the weekend...

2009-04-30T20:43:00.006-04:00

Don't you just love that song? I love that song! And tomorrow is Friday, and will be the weekend! YAY! I'm really happy because this means my fishing trip to Sturgeon with my friends for barbotte is only 2 weeks away. Plus tomorrow I'm going out for supper with my best friend, her boyfriend and her cousin, and our other mutual friend from the library field, for Thai, which will be nice.

I'm also going to get a quote for my next tattoo after work and really hoping that he can squeeze me in soon. My tattooist is leaving in a few days and won't be back until June so I'd looove if he had the time to do work before he left. Otherwise, I can wait, considering it's just another month in the many I've already waited.

I'm also supposed to be getting picked up by Matt, the lad I've taken a shine to, this weekend to go to his place. Happens to be my best friend's younger brother, so I'm treading carefully, to say the least. I really like this guy, quite a bit, got high hopes... But as many of my previous posts show, this happens a lot, and then the guy runs for the fucking hills because I'm a nutter and they're frightened of me. Yup.

I also had quite the little incident with my tarantula Pumpkin just now. I took his container down from the shelf, onto the kitchen table, to try and handle him. Anyway, my hands are too large to fit into his itty bitty container to pick him up, so I scooped him onto a piece of paper, and then held that in my palm. There was still some paper hanging over my palm, over his container, and he was going too close to that edge for my comfort. I was afraid of his falling. So I was gently prodding him with a soft paintbrush to try and get him to come back to my inner palm and off the paper. He wasn't having any of it, however.

Look how FAT he is, awww... :3

He skittered, I countered, he skittered some more, I jumped when it looked like he was about to fall, he bounced off my left wrist, then my palm, and then plopped into his container. Then we both just froze and were like O_O "Woa man..." and then I put the lid back on and put him back on his shelf haha... eh boy. I'll try handling him again though, I want to get him accustomed to it while he's young. Not the best first try though haha, eh well. I just feel bad for stressing the poor little thing out. At least he didn't get hurt, and that's all that matters.

I'm half waiting for a phone call from the lad right now... only if he gets home early enough though. I'll be hitting the hay at 10PM call or no, either way.

I made an appointment for driving lessons on the 12th. I want to go get my G2 so I can finally have a car up here and drive around on my own. Not having a car really fucking sucks balls man, let me tell ya. I just want to go out to the country sometimes and I can't because I'm trapped inside this city with no wheels.

Anyhow, I'm going to chat with some friends and listen to some Black Sabbath and relax.

Cheers!

Still being busy

2009-04-28T13:18:00.003-04:00

So last Friday I fed the little babies again. I decided to pull out my digital camera to try and film my feeding Pumpkin. I succeeded quite well and seeing him attacking that cricket is amazing. Of course... the cat picked that same time to start hacking up a hair ball and you can hear him gagging and barfing repeatedly in the background but... anyway. I'm a dork, and sound/look like a total idiot during the video, especially when I start sweet talking Pumpkin... but it's a funny video, and still pretty awesome to watch. So here you go...

Then that night I baked a batch of sugar cookies for my friend's mom's 50th birthday party which was held on Saturday. I love sugar cookies. Didn't take any photos though, didn't think of it.

The party was great, her family is really nice, and the food was good. It was nice going out to the country too, seeing open spaces and fields and forest... I miss that. That night we drove back to the city, with her brother in tow and hung around her place for a bit. Her brother stopped off at my place and we played video games when she went to go see her boyfriend. I spent all of Sunday with him too, just playing video games and stuff. His sister stopped by again for a little bit but she was really tired and didn't stay long.

I'm currently working on getting another tattoo... and let me tell you I'm excited! I'll be getting flowers done behind my grandmother's name. It'll be a few weeks still before that happens but hey... worth it! I'll certainly be posting photos when I do get it done.

Cheers!

Much to report!

2009-04-21T20:12:00.005-04:00

I haven't posted in about two weeks and now I have a lot to post about. So of course I'm going to be lazy and fly through most of it. So, let's see if this addled brain of mine can get things straight...

My parents came up to visit me on Easter weekend because I couldn't afford to go down to Sturgeon at the time. My mom's boss gave her Friday off too so they drove up Thursday night and arrived around 1AM. I'd been up late baking an Easter cake (hey, it's an excuse for cake!) so I didn't mind.

Speaking of the cake, here it is:

For my first try at fondant, it's alright... but I doubt I'll be using fondant again any time soon. Frustrating as fuck. Stuck to the counter and the rolling pin and me and it was just hell. Tasted totally awesome though. There be devil's food cake under that, with butter cream icing betwixt the cake and fondant.

Friday most everything was closed so we spent a large portion of the day just walking around and enjoying the nice weather. I had Tina over for supper with us on Friday night, and I made totally wicked awesome pizza from scratch. I hadn't realized how much I missed spinning the dough, like I used to when I worked in the pizza place in high school.

On Saturday I brought my parents to my local pet store Pet Circus (awesome place!) and they picked up a little carrier for their dog Muffin. So much easier to carry her around in this pouch thing on backpack straps than in your arms. Little thing is heavy. Anywho, then we went to the Byward Market and tooled around there, picked up some great cheese and meats in the stores around there. After that I brought my parents for Pho at my favorite place Pho Bo Ga La on Somerset and my dad actually used chopsticks! And he liked it! So that made me happy. Later that night I got my dad to drive us to the Ikea and I got myself a new computer chair and coffee table and little bamboo chair for sitting in the living room. Yay real coffee table and not a blue bin anymore haha... no more ghetto furniture.

Sunday we went for Easter breakfast at Eggspectations and my parents really liked it, great place for eating that is. We drove around for a bit, for the hell of it, exploring, and then we came back to my apartment and I made supper. They left that night a little after supper. Late that night I randomly decided to move all my furniture in the living room around haha... that amused me.

On Monday I just relaxed, sat around reading and listening to music and messing around online. The work week went by quickly, and I finally got paid which was great. Thursday night I made an order for a Pamphobeteus sp. "platyomma" tarantula... yes, the one I said I wouldn't be buying haha... Then Friday night rolled around and... time for Montreal!

My friends Gavin and Lexi invited me with them to go to Montreal for the hell of it, and I totally accepted. Five of us met up at the Greyhound station and hopped the 6PM bus to Montreal from Ottawa. We arrived, had supper and beer, went out wandering and had beer, went to this totally awesome Metal bar called Les Foufounes Électriques (the Electric Ass Cheeks) and had rum and then out we went and more wandering, wound up at a restaurant for poutine and then back to the bus station to catch the 6AM bus back to Ottawa. It was an amazing night and here are some photos...

Myself on the right, with my friend Lexi on the left, at Les Foufounes Électriques.

We're so hardcore, playing cards haha... Egyptian Ratscrew was the game.

All the way to Montreal to sit on a curb and drink beer. It was still awesome.

Upon arriving in the city that morning, I made a bee-line home and had some nice, nice sleep. I didn't sleep too late though, because I had some shopping to do. I spent a good 5 hours shopping for work clothes and just items of clothing I've really needed for quite a while. I spent a lot of money but it was worth it. Sunday I did a lot of housework, and that evening went to pick up my little spiderling at the friend of my breeders who was keeping him for me.

I would like you all to meet Pumpkin, the Pamphobedeus sp. "platyomma".

He/she will grow to be about 8" in legspan, and is quite a fiesty little thing. Early tonight, not 48hrs after being brought home, Pumpkin attacked a cricket and is eating it as we speak. I was sooo happy to see it. And amazed. I'd never seen anything like that before, since Thor my Grammostola aureostriata still only eats bits and pieces since he's too small to hunt crickets yet.

Anyhow... it's nearing my bed time, and I want to go watch Pumpkin chow down on his cricket for a bit, and relax.

Cheers!

P.S. A short and shitty video of Pumpkin I took yesterday.

He finally molted!

2009-04-08T18:45:00.008-04:00

Well, this past Friday night, my pet tarantula Thor finally molted. I've had him since mid-January and this is his first molt with me, and it was very relieving to see that he's healthy and growing. He's actually grown a considerable amount from this one molt, since I wasn't too sure what to expect from it.

I have to laugh at myself now when I think about my reaction to the discovery of his molting. I trudged in that Saturday morning, half asleep... went to check on the spider and the fish like I always do in the morning. Look in to his burrow... "Thor... did... did you molt? You molted?!" Then I ran and turned the light on, ran back, "Oh my god you did! YAY! YOU MOLTED! THOR MOLTED!" And then I danced around a little, giggled, told the cat and the fish that the spider had molted, and was happy some more. Because I'm special like that.

But, while on the subject of tarantulas... I received an e-mail from my breeder today mentioning some new hatchlings and I just fell in love with one particular species. It is the pamphobeteus sp. "platyomma" and the 1" spiderlings are selling for $25, a great deal. They're gorgeous little slings, as you can see here. (photos courtesy of Tarantula Canada)

I mean, how can you not find something like that adorable? Now, if their patterning as spiderlings isn't beautiful enough, wait until you see what the adult males look like. See for yourself.

And the females, while certainly nowhere near as colourful, also have their own simple beauty to them, as you can also see here.

In short, I am in love with another little 8 legged creature. One who happens to be extremely aggresive and can grow up to 8 inches in leg span. Yeah. I like the giant, angry ones. Go figure.

After a few painful hours of debate, I finally decided against purchasing one, for one main reason. I already have a tarantula - my little Thor - who will reach a 7 or 8 inch leg span, which will require a two foot tank once he reaches adult size. This new species can grow even larger. I don't really have room for that sort of thing here! At least, not with the current setup.

I do eventually plan on getting more critters, and this will entail organization on my part to A) keep them from escaping, and B) keep them from eating each other, but that's a long time coming. Plus well... I just want to make sure I can still really raise Thor without his dying on me. I'm so damn paranoid that he'll die.

I bought two tarantula books - endorsed by my breeder - on amazon today though so those will be helpful to me once they arrive. The internet - while it has a lot of great information - is full of not-so-great information and it'll be nice to have concrete facts in book form to rely on.

Well... now that the awesome spider subject is out of the way... what's going on with the rest of my life? Cooking and baking a lot. Made my friend an awesome birthday cake the other weekend. Four layers of angel food cake, strawberry mousse, whipped cream, raspberries and iced butterflies.

Last night I made my first ever batch of fondant, for the easter themed cake I'll be baking this weekend. I plan on taking photos so I'll likely post some of those if the cake turns out decently. My parents are coming up to visit so I'm using them as an excuse to bake some more. Lord knows I'd never be able to eat everything I bake by myself.

Anyhow, I'm going to go listen to some Black Sabbath and read.

Cheers!

First day

2009-03-23T18:44:00.004-04:00

I started my new job today. It went alright. This isn't going to be a very happy blog post because I'm pretty damn frustrated.

I ordered some boots from Spring Shoes, and they were to be delivered to my house, by UPS. They passed today, but at noon. I am at work at this hour. Tomorrow they would have passed again around the same time. I'm still at work. So I wanted to pick up the package. But the nearest UPS customer center is over an hour's bus ride away, plus the walk because it's nowhere near an actual stop, and I have no car.

This means I have to spend almost 2 1/2 hours some night this week to pick up that package. I am not pleased. I can't have it delivered to work because that's inappropriate. No one else to sign for me, nowhere else to send it to. Brilliant.

UPS, your services suck ass, and you need a customer center that is actually near it's customers! Christ on a cracker... ridiculous.

Not to mention that I was politely asking if anyone with a car might not be willing to give me a lift, and this guy I vaguely know insinuated he'd give me a ride if I did him some "favors" too. Yeah. Right. Over my dead body shithead.

Anyway... last week was stressful because I was training my replacement at my old job. I had three days to teach the new woman what I was taught in a span of three weeks. Yeah. Not pleasant. Training her was tiring too... I pity the people who have to train me now.

This weekend I hung out with my old room mate and his girlfriend on Friday, playing Wii Sports games. I pwn at tennis, haha... Then Saturday I spent the first half of the day with my parents' neighbours' kids. Their daughter and son. I showed them around the Market here a bit, then brough them to the St-Laurent mall. They'd been to Rideau, but the Rideau mall sucks man.

Anyway... I have to go do some dishes, and make my lunch for work and pick my clothes and all that jazz. Cheers!

P.S. Enjoy a nice little country song!

Well hey...

2009-03-08T12:10:00.003-04:00

It's nice weather out, finally! Yay! I've been wearing my leather jacket and nice new spring coat out lately... I do not miss having to wear my damn winter coat.

So... I'm out of my funk. For now, at least. But still, s'cool.

I've got another two weeks at my current place of employment before I switch over to my permanent government position in another department. I still haven't received my letter of offer for that yet though and I'll be slightly worried until it arrives. At least the woman who was causing me all that anger and stress is gone now so stuff is pretty chill and nice there.

This has been a really good weekend for me. I went out Friday night and got all my errands and chores done, laundry, groceries, dropped off a book at the library, other such things. It was beautiful out, and walking around getting everything done was terribly pleasant. The warm wind in my hair, oh it was marvelous. Then yesterday I stayed in playing video games all day, then last night over to my friend Gabby's place for a little party. Got nice and drunk, lots of laughs, t'was nice. I had someone to share my bed with last night too, which was quite pleasant haha... I'm sitting around head banging to the newest Slipknot album and I keep smelling him because my hair has his scent in it.

I'm probably just going to sit around the house today, relaxing, play more video games. Then tonight going out for supper with my girlfriend. She's going to France in September, studying a year abroad. I'll miss her, I will.

Well, I'd best have breakfast or something haha... cheers!

Nothing to see here

2009-02-22T15:51:00.002-05:00

Honestly, nothing has been going on. I've been in a shitty mood for days, pretty much wanting to rip babies' heads off. I am hating the new job. I am hating the woman training me. I am hating being alone nights, being lonely.

I am bitter and grumpy most of the time.

I'm only really happy in the in-between moments, like while waiting for my coffee to finish being made this morning, or waiting for my cookies to bake on Friday night.

I've once again grown a soft spot for a lad - a good friend's brother - and once again seem to have picked the wrong person.

In matters of love, it will always go wrong with me, it doesn't miss.

I went shopping yesterday with a friend of mine, for material for the quilt I plan on making. This is going to be one helluva eyesore quilt. Ghosts on navy blue, red and pink cartoon skull n' cross bones, and a strange solid green. My quilt for sure.

Anyway... I got up early today, 9AM, and got the laundry and groceries all done by 1:30PM, and now it's going on four and I've vacuumed and taken care of all the trash and whatnot... only thing left is to do a wee bit of dishes and then nothing to do all evening.

Blah.

Another week

2009-02-10T18:18:00.002-05:00

So I started me 2nd new job of the month this Monday... it's pretty boring. The librarian I'm replacing is still there for three weeks, so I'm pretty much being trained and babysat by her during this time. I have a feeling I'll pretty much have everything down pat by the end of the week and spend the next two twiddling my thumbs. This is going to be another boring ass job, let me tell ya. I could almost miss working at PWGSC.

In other nice news, I finally got Thor to eat! I picked up some crickets on Sunday, adults, not like the pinheads I'd tried feeding to him live before. So when I got him, I decapitated a big fat juicy one, and plopped it into his bottle. He sucked it dry, and now he's all round and plump and full. I am so terribly happy. I was getting worried, he hadn't eaten in the entire 2 and a half weeks he'd been here until then. I'll offer him another cricket tomorrow night, and see if he takes it too.

I went to the Lookout with Tina this past Saturday night. It was nice, drinking, dancing... drag queens. I took a few videos but haven't looked at 'em yet. If they're worth it, I'll stick 'em on youtube and post them here.

I'm pretty much just posting this to keep it from turning into a back log and deterring me from doing it all the more. I'm not exactly in the best of moods lately. I can't even bring myself to phone my parents for the expected "this is how my first day at work" call went. I want to call them, tell them about Thor eating and how happy it makes me... but I can't bring myself to. I have a hard time making myself do anything right now. I eat because I have to, not because I want to. I do things like that, because I have to. I would probably spend all day sitting here at the computer if I could, and sleeping, and then back here, if I didn't have to do anything else.

I was walking home from work today, and got to thinking. "Ya know, if I just... disappeared, it would take at least a week before people started to wonder where I'd gone." And it's true. I work... and come home. And work. And come home. I see no one. Go nowhere. Call no one. Do nothing.

No one would miss me, at least not for the first week or two... then they'd start wondering where I'd got to. My parents would notice first when they would never manage to reach me by phone and I wouldn't return their messages... then friends...

There are only three people I really want to see right now. One is busy with her own life, and so I don't see often. Another is a new and close friend, but still has her own things going and I don't want to bother her. The last... he's wrapped up in his own problems and digging his own hole, and has no time - and I fear, no desire - for me.

I've tried diverting myself with other friends, other things... but the people don't come through and the other things just fail.

I've found myself chatting with and becoming closer to many people online than I am to people I know in person. Gabrielle, McKenzy, Cathy, Paul, Jesse, Shannon, Dima... if any of you read this, you people are great, really. You've all at least once contributed to keeping me from turning into a bawling sad sack of crying shame.

Now that my life has settled down after moving and all this job broo-haha, I've come back to a time where my mind centers on how alone I am. I don't like it any more now than I did before.

Anyway... this is going nowhere except making me feel worse.

Bye.

I changed jobs... again

2009-02-04T18:14:00.003-05:00

Yes, I have gotten another job. I started the data entry thing this past Monday, and all is well there, but I was still looking for library jobs. I went for an interview on Tuesday for a job. And lo and behold, I start next Monday.

It's another circulation clerk post, for a government library. This time it's the Canadian International Development Agency library. I'll be working there on contract until sometime in June, and actually be making $0.50 more an hour than I was when I left PWGSC, which is pretty killer. Now I just need to contact all the agencies I'm signed up with so they can stop looking for work for me, heh.

I'm gonna work the data entry thing up to Friday, just for the cash. And Loblaws "let me go" because I couldn't work days anymore haha... s'ok though, I was going to quit anyway.

In about half an hour I'll be getting picked up by my friend Heather. She and I, as well as her boyfriend and our friend Minda are having supper at her boyfriend Stephen's apartment. I'm bringing some of the lemon poppyseed cake I baked last night for desert.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the week, and the weekend. Tomorrow night Tina and her man Dustin are coming over and we'll play some Silent Hill: Origins, because I'm too chicken to play alone and Tina happens to dig it so. And then Saturday she and I are most likely going to the Lookout, as the buses will start running that day. FINALLY!

And, there is a very slight chance that sometime in the near future, I see a certain someone I had kind of given up on ever seeing again. It would mean a lot to me if they would come see me. But I'm not getting my hopes up. Not anymore.

Anyway... must be happy! Happy fun yay time with friends this evening!

Cheers!

Damn, what a good day!

2009-01-29T12:54:00.003-05:00

I get woken up at 9AM this morning by a phone call. It's a woman from one of the agencies I'm signed with telling me that I have been accepted for a post in data entry, starting Monday. Yay! It's not library work, but quite frankly, the pay isn't very different and I need the money right now. And at $16 an hour... who's complaining? I'm still on the lookout for library work, but only if the pay is worth switching jobs for once I've started this one. Why move from one place to another for a $0.50 difference, right?

Speaking of library jobs, I'm still part of the very long - like months long - process of selection for a permanent Library Technician position with the government. They've made me go take my writing and reading comprehension bilingual tests, and I scored exempt on those. Then last week I took my oral bilingual test and received my results today. Another exemption! I won't have to take them ever again. This is great news. I am a certified bilingual person in the eyes of the Government of Canada... that makes as desired as water in the Sahara up here in Ottawa, let me tell you.

I haven't the foggiest what the next step in the process will be, since I've already been interviewed - like ages ago - and now all that bilingual tests are done... guess I can't really do anything except wait and find out.

So now I'm in quite a good mood because of these two facts, and I am looking forward to later this evening as I will be meeting up with a very good friend of mine who I haven't seen in weeks because of this damnable bus strike! She and I will go out for supper, then come back to my place and play some drunken Guitar Hero. Awwww yeah! Heh. I can't wait.

I have a bunch of stuff to do before that though... must clean a mountain of dishes, spiff up the place for her visit (can't have a dirty and disorderly home when company is coming!) and go do some groceries and check my schedule for next week at the grocery store. Speaking of which, yesterday was my first day serving real people on cash. It's actually not so bad... I'd been terribly afraid of it but I think I'll be able to handle and do it alright.

And well, I really aught to be doing those things instead of sitting here lolly gagging!

Cheers! Have a great day everybody!

P.S. Listen to an awesome song by Alison Krauss and Robert Plant off their Raising Sand collaboration album! (I hate when I can't embed stuff!)

Gone, Gone, Gone!

Say hello to Thor!

2009-01-24T17:59:00.002-05:00

Thor is my new tarantula! He's a total itty bitty cutie, only a half inch spiderling. He/she has a lot of growing to do! He arrived Wednesday morning, from the good folks at Tarantula Canada and he's happily settled in now. He's got a little burrow dug, and I do believe he'll be molting soon. I tried feeding him but he ran from the cricket (a pinhead, small as they get) so I took it out and we'll see what he does next. If still nothing happens by tomorrow evening I'll try feeding again, but I'm still expecting a molt. This is Thor, by the way.

And again when he first arrived here...

So yeah... the arrival of this little arachnid has made this a good week. Tuesday night I actually went out and hung out with some people. I went to Zaphod's for my friend Zac's birthday and had a good time seeing folks again. This bus strike has me pent up and I don't like it.

This post is already going backwards time-wise... so I'll just keep on doing that this time. Last Saturday I went to Sexapalooza with my friend Tina. It was fun to get out, and hang out with her, just chat with someone and have a laugh or two. I took some videos of a couple of the shows, so check those out!

I start work as a cashier at a local grocery store tomorrow... I'm pretty nervous. I've never done anything like that before and I really don't want to mess up. Oh well, if snot nosed kids can do it, so can I, right?

Anyway... I should go make myself some supper and then I'll be reading some more. I have books lining up to be read and not enough time to read them!

Cheers!

I spy... my apartment!

2009-01-16T22:51:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm about as set up as I'm going to get at the moment until I get more furniture here in the apartment. I'd been thinking about taking photos of the place and posting them, but then decided on taping a "tour" of the place instead.

Enjoy, you nosy folks!

Decor à la moi

2009-01-13T02:20:00.006-05:00

Another quick post... I put up some shelves today and set out my bone collection, as well as setting up my PS2 and TV and stuff. I took photos to share with y'all.

My TV yay! Finally I have it back! Boris on the wall there... and my deer skull on the TV haha... and you can't really tell but there's a spider in that round ball thing...

Here's Charlie on his shelf (safe and away from the kitty Caramel) and with some bones from my collection... sitting on a rabbit fur...

And here is George on his shelf, with some dried flowers, more bones, a mink tail and a weasel fur, along with my spider teddy bear.

I'll probably post more photos of my apartment as I go along organizing things and such... I love doing this. And I love doing it alone, and doing it myself, and doing it my way. LOVE IT!

Cheers!

Quick One

2009-01-12T03:10:00.002-05:00

The AC/DC concert on Friday was amazing. When the whole crowd was singing along to The Jack oh man... incredible. And hearing Black Ice live? Fucking killer. And Angus... oh man Angus! That man played his bloody heart out! AMAZING!

And... I'm now all moved into my apartment. Staying my 2nd night here now tonight. My parents and my cousin Paul picked me up from the train station yesterday as I arrived back from Toronto after my concert Friday night. Then... work. Lots. We all spent the night here last night, and they left today after groceries and shopping and all sorts of broohaha. It's nice to finally be alone.

I still have a lot of stuff left to set up before it's really done... and well I won't get all my furniture up and ready until Helen moves in with Mark at the end of the month either anyway so.

I have to go to a hardware store tomorrow... pick up some tools. Need a hammer and a level and some poly-filler, among other things.

Well it's late... and it's been a long day and a hard weekend... sleep for me!

Cheers!

Limbo

2009-01-07T21:44:00.003-05:00

Yep, I'm in limbo for pretty much everything right now. A job. My apartment. Dating. Sort of frustrating.

I've been offered some jobs, but they're all much too far for me to ever think about taking them. There's reasonablu far... like how in 2007 I spent an hour getting to work, and an hour coming home when I worked at the RCMP. But these would have involved like, half hour walks, and then another 50 minutes via bus, at least, into Gatineau or Aylmer. Not worth my time, or trouble. But I still need a job... and soon. If I don't have a job by Friday next week... I'll be taking a shit ass one - like in a grocery store or something - to tide me over.

As for the apartment... I was supposed to be moved in by tomorrow night, but since my mother couldn't get a day off from the store, it has to wait until Saturday evening. Blah. I just want to get OUT of here. I want my own place, need it. I'm going insane still living here. Restless, moody.

And dating? Well, the bus strike isn't helping things. The one lad I have any real interest in seems to have lost any real interest in me. He'll say he wants to see me, tell me he will, and then just... disappears. Yeah. Thanks. Really appreciate it. He blames it on his not having a car anymore after getting in an accident but... I dunno. And yet - for some reason unknown to me - I still like him and stick around and want to see him again. Not to say I'm not trying to see other people, but when most folks don't have a car and nor do I, it makes things a little complicated eh?

All I really did today was pack up my clothes in preparation for Saturday's move. That and start reading Stephen King's The Stand. And yup. That was my day. Fun, right?

At least once I'm in my apartment, I'll be busy settling in, doing things.

And I'm lonely damn it. Seeing friends is nice yes. Sex is indeed nice too. But I'd like someone to spend time with, to cuddle and sleep with, ya know?

I miss waking up in the middle of the night to a warm body next to me. Maybe someone who wakes as I do, and would pull me close in the dark. I miss that. Miss just having someone close in a comfortable silence. I don't care if that person leaves the next day, if there's no real relationship behind it, I just want that every once in a while. And it's been a damn long while. *sigh* If I were really lucky, some nice dependable, awesome dude would fall into my lap and I would totally dig him and he would totally dig me and we'd start dating and I could be in a nice relationship again. I'll admit I'm happiest when caring for another. But eh well.

I'm going to go read some more I suppose... not much else to do with the snow storm outside.

Cheers!

2009's First Post!

2009-01-03T20:52:00.003-05:00

Alrighty... so due to my laziness... the first chunk of this will just be a copy-paste from my dA journal.

I must admit I'm a bit sad to see 2008 come to an end. It was a very good year to me, and I spent most of it being happy. I can only hope 2009 is a good - or hell, maybe even better - year for me.

I'm in an uncertain place in my life right now where nothing is guaranteed. I can't look much further than a week ahead because I just don't know what's coming.

I want to try and release myself from my addiction to this damned computer. That'll be easily enough done, I think, in the next few months. Why? Well, when I move into my apartment - sometime in the next week or two - I'll be without internet at home. So when I do disappear, I'm not dead, just won't have any internet for a while.

My current work contract ended Friday, and now I'm jobless. I figure I won't have a new job for another week or two, so that'll put me behind monetarily. I'd been offered one job, and had actually accepted, until I realized it would be almost impossible to get to from where I live. If the stupid bus strike in this city stops, then things will get better.

I spent today making the place clean and tidy again since my room mate Mark is finally returning from his holidays tomorrow and I'd rather not he return to a pig sty.

I'm really not up to much this weekend. Tonight I'm supposed to be seeing Matt but I somehow doubt that'll happen. He's kind of... unreliable, eh? I'm just going about it as if I'm not going to see him at all. He said he finished work at 9PM, and if he's not here or at least on his way by 10:30PM, I'm probably going to chug the rest of my whiskey and hit the Lookout. I had someone else over last night, so at least I won't have spent the entire weekend alone eh.

I'm not in search of major excitement this weekend since my New Years night was pretty full of that. I got nice and drunk and stoned with my friends. Went to a party... we didn't stay long though. Good thing too, since there was a stabbing not long after we left. I don't even know where we were haha... at the stroke of midnight, my friend Tina was vomiting in her bathroom, while her brother and I played Mariokart on her Wii haha... good times indeed.

Anyway... I picked up some books at the library today and I'd like to get started on reading American Spycho. I've heard from more than a few dudes that it's a really good read so here's hoping eh.

Cheers!

Mein Apartment

2008-12-30T20:50:00.014-05:00

So I finally got the keys to my apartment. I went after work today, and took a bunch of photos to show my parents and such... so I figured I'd share them here too!

Stairway up to the attic....

At the head of the stairs...

Looking into my bedroom...

Washroom! Tiny washroom haha...

Look! My sink, all the way over here! Haha...

This toilet is not fat people friendly. They wouldn't fit haha...

Bedroom...

Mirrored cabinet that comes with the place...

My little kitchen!

Fridge and stove.... duh...!

The living room... and the air conditioner haha...

View from the living room, through the kitchen and entrance to the bedroom....

And that ladies and gents is my apartment. Ain't nothing fancy. Ain't nothing big. But god damnit it's MINE. And right now, that's all that counts. I know I'll be happy there, and that I'll finally have a place to call home.

Cheers!

It's Christmas time again

2008-12-27T15:20:00.016-05:00

Well... two days ago, actually. But you get the idea. I'm in Sturgeon, after arriving here at 5AM on the morning of the 24th. Damn midnight bus. At least no one did any drugs, had to vomit, or had diarrhea. And I slept most of the way too... so descent enough ride.

My burn/scar I got baking cookies last weekend.

My dad's attempt at wrapping LOL Duct Tape!

My dad opening his iPod from the McLeods... he'll probably never figure it out LOL.

I spent Christmas Eve here at home with my parents, and the McLeods came over with their four kids. That was interesting. They just adopted a little 3yrs old girl and does she have energy. It helped me not to want kids.

I got some really awesome stuff for Christmas. The first gift I opened is this fantastic painting done by Perry McLeod, our neighbour.

I also got this really nifty tarantula in a ball of clear resin, with it's own little stand.

I was also given a bunch of stuff for my apartment, like muffin tins and pans and dishes and such, as well as a totally awesome coffee machine of kick ass. I am in love with that coffee machine.

Anyway... then on Christmas day we went to my grandmother's. For once, the entire gang was there. The only two that weren't were Marc because he was working, and Paul... because well, personal reasons. It was an amazing time though, seeing everyone. Lots of hugs and laughter and happiness. I fell down the stairs after supper though, although I'm fine. Just a sore ankle and some bruises. Way to go me.

Then after getting home that night, I wound up heading off to my friend Leah's house and getting sooo drunk and stoned. Man. Then boxing day morning we went shopping. Holy hell. Haha... running on like maybe 5 hours sleep... fuck.

I bought myself a new Black Sabbath t-shirt, and a Nintendo DS Lite, and the game Age of Empires: Mythologies.

We got a shit ton of snow on Christmas Eve. Like over two feet of it, on top of everything else that was already on the ground. See for yourself!

Driving in the storm.

The lake after the storm, Christmas morning.

The windshield of the van before we cleaned it!

The wheelchair ramp... snow much?

Yes, there is a transport trailer in my parents' yard haha...

My mom's car, and some wood piles...

Me just messing around, waiting to go to my grandmother's...

So yeah... lotta snow. But now it's sort of raining, and stuff is melting. Fucking weater. Can't make up its mind.

I found out this week that I won't be getting renewed at work, so as of the 2nd I'm officially out of a job. That's okay though, I'm sick of working there. I should be somewhere new fairly quickly, I'm certain. Which is good because I'm running out of money haha.... I shouldn't have bought my Nintendo DS, but I did anyway. Bad me.

Anyway... I need to go through all my old boxes of stuff from when I moved here after my eviction. I need to sort out the stuff I'm keeping for the new apartment, or ditching. That'll be intersting... haven't touched it since September of 2007.

Hope ya'll had some good holidays, whatever you celebrate this time of year. Cheers!

P.S. Enjoy some Hanzel und Gretyle (industrial metal ftw!)

Changes

2008-12-17T19:27:00.002-05:00

Just as a warning... this is a long one so sit tight! Okay, so I've somehow managed - with the help of some very dear friends - to pick myself up off the floor, dust myself off and get going again. By no means am I happy, but I'm not as depressed as this past weekend either and that's still a helluva lot better.

I've come to the conclusion that my life needs some changes made to it. Some of these won't be able to take affect for a while just due to real life time constraints. One of these is moving into my apartment. There is absolutely no way that I can move in there before January 1st, simply because that is the date that it will be mine. But, the fact that I have that apartment and am thus moving out of Mark's place is a change I've been desiring for a long time now. It's one I have to wait a little while longer to enjoy and reap the benefits of but it's still there.

Another change I've been sorely needing... one in the job area of my life. While I once loved my job, really loved it, it now drives me insane and I absolutely hate it. My current contract at this job has been renewed a few times now, and I simply stayed for the convenience of it. I've come to realize it's one of the things in my life that causes me such depression, and I'm falling into a rut there.

Today I was offered another job, doing Records Management somewhere else at Portage for PWGSC. It pays a little less than I'm making now, and it's not library work... but I accepted anyway. The woman at the agency who told me about the position forwarded my resume to the people offering it, to check things out, and she'll let me know whether or not they accept me. I hope they do. I'm just sick and tired of being where I am right now.

I need a job anyway. My contract ends January 2nd, in the new year, and my manager has as of yet failed to inform me of any further renewal. When I spoke to her today, telling her I might be leaving, she panicked. She got all flustered, trying to tell me that she's getting me renewed. I told her I needed something more certain at this time in my life and around this time of year and that if I get accepted at this other job, I'd be leaving as soon as they can take me. The contract would be until early March, so it's nothing amazing, but it's work.

I'm hoping that I'll get a call back tomorrow or Friday, and find out if I got the job.

Another change in my life has to do with my dating habits in the past few months. I've been going on a lot of dates, with a lot of different guys. Usually I don't see any of them more than the once, for a reason or another. Usually they want to see me again, but I just have no interest in them. Some guys seemed to show some sort of promise, but then something would go wrong.

"Hey, I'm sorry but I'm too busy for a relationship with you right now."
"You're really sweet, but I can't see myself with you."
"I'm not ready for a relationship right now."

Or worse. WEIRD stuff. This one guy... 29 years old, in the army, going places and doing things with his life... saw each other, everything seemed great. Then not 3 days after a date, I see on Facebook that he's in a relationship with an 18 years old. Yeah. Not nice.

Or another guy... 27 years old, working, responsible, nice guy. Things seemed to be going well... then on the third date. He got creepy. Started asking me questions like "When is the last time you were intimate? And with who?" and I of course told him it was none of his business. He got all pissy and I just told him to leave. Then later he told me that he couldn't "Take me making him miserable for the rest of his life." and stopped talking to me. Yeah. Some weeeird men out there.

I'm just tired of random dates that don't lead anywhere. For a while I thought about just giving up... but I don't want to. I don't like being alone, and I don't like not having someone special in my life.

I've been seeing someone again lately. And to be truly honest, this feels different. I just hope that a few weeks from now I don't come back to read this after another horrible ending to a so far wonderful dating experience... I won't go into details yet, as it's nothing solid or concrete, but I really hope this goes somewhere.

Other than these large changes... I've also come to realize that my life is damned boring. I don't actually DO anything. I work, do the needed tasks like cleaning and groceries and laundry and lunch making. Maybe I'll go clubbing on the weekend. Play a few hours of video games. Go out for supper with a friend or two. But other than that... I'm just plain boring. And I don't WANT to be boring damn it.

I was talking to my ex Zac about it... and he explained it to me in another way though. My life is boring, while I am actually pretty damn interesting. I was suggested by someone to find new hobbies... but I do have hobbies. They're just difficult to do right now!

I collect bones, for example. It's sort of difficult to collect bones in Downtown Ottawa. Or even to clean the ones that I have that require it, for that matter. I also want to make a quilt... but have no fabric or any supplies, and since the buses are still on strike, I can't even go get any. I also adore baking... but I can only bake so much stuff before I have too much food to eat and no one to eat it. I love to bake the stuff, I'm just not big on eating it, you see. I also like doing calligraphy, but my current pen set is absolute shit. The nibs won't stay still in the pen, the ink flow is unstable and shitty, it's just a total pain in the ass to try and write anything with them. It's a miracle I finished my mother's birthday present without throwing everything away. So I have hobbies... I just can't really do them. *grump*

I am determined to find some way to be less boring however! Eventually. Somehow.

So... after all that seriousness... I went for my first bilingual language test today, for a permanent government position I've applied to. I got to take it in English, since my native tongue is French. Holy hell was that shit easy. I was the first one done. They give you two hours to do it... I was done in half an hour. I go for the second one tomorrow, and if it's anywhere as easy as this, damn.

Well... I think that's quite enough rambling for one evening.

Cheers!

P.S. Enjoy some Rammstein!

Total 360

2008-12-13T23:23:00.002-05:00

I am in such a shit mood right now.... all damn day. All week really... bleh. I broke down and randomly cried for like half an hour today. I haven't seen another person since 4PM yesterday. Fuck. This shit blows. What a waste of a weekend.

I'm lonely.

Fuhduh!

2008-12-09T19:19:00.005-05:00

What's this? I'm updating on a regular basis again? That can only mean one thing... SNOW!

Snow has forced me inside and away from the outside world, to huddle near my heat producing laptop. Yes indeed.

A good 8 inches of snow fell today, and it is still falling, and supposed to keep on falling throughout the night. We're getting dumped on real good. My parents told me they already have like 3 feet of snow back in Sturgeon so I guess this is nothing compared to that but eh... for a girl who hates snow, this is plenty!

To top things off, the OC Transpo is going on strike as of midnight tonight, for an unknown number of days. This means they could be on strike for 2 days... or 20. No one really knows, but the last one in 1996 lasted 24 days. And of course they pick exam season and Christmas time to strike. Real geniuses these ones are I tell ya.

This snow is supposed to turn into freezing rain sometime in the morning... either way, no bus to work for me, no matter the weather. It was hell enough walking home from work today. It'll be horrific tomorrow.

It's totally ruined my mood this evening too. I was supposed to see Matt again (the lad I went on a date with last Thursday, and saw again Saturday night) tonight but with the snow, that went out the window. Winter likes to do this to me. It's a bastard like that.

Saturday was a great time however. It was fun and I'm glad I went along. I slept horribly but eh, was worth it. With how things are going, I don't know when I'll see him next but I'm hoping soon...

I signed my lease for my apartment yesterday, so everything is done and official. The place is guaranteed mine on January 1st of the new year! Maybe even earlier if the current tenant gets out a little sooner. I'm debating moving in as soon as possible, even before Helen moves here, because I just want to be on my own again. I'm sick of living with Mark, nice as he is. I can camp out for a few weeks, rough it in my own place until Helen comes and gives me all the furniture she and Mark won't be needing.

I get the happy fun joy task of going through all my boxes of stuff from my old apartment when I go visit my parents for Christmas. Those have been sitting there for over a year now and I'm not even sure what's in most of them anymore. Oh what fun that will be! At least I can drag them out in front of the wood stove and sit in warm reasonable comfort.

I also received an e-mail asking me to go take language testing for another government job I applied to, so that looks good. I'm hoping I'll get to take the test in English since my first language is French. It would be so ridiculously easy like that. I take it in two parts, on Wednesday and Thursday next week, so we'll see how that goes.

I downloaded a fuckton of Black Sabbath yesterday (i.e. 5 albums) and so I'm just rocking out to that shit right now. There were songs I hadn't heard in years because the tapes I'd had of them I'd either lost or they'd just stopped working. It's pretty awesome.

Anyway, I'll try to bring my camera with me tomorrow morning - if I don't forget - to try and grab some shots of this shit ass weather for y'all.

Well... I'm off to make myself some supper.

Cheers!

P.S. Enjoy one of my favorite Black Sabbath songs... Symptom of a Universe (a totally metal love song!)

I got it!

2008-12-06T13:30:00.004-05:00

I got the apartment! Yes!

After one stressful sleepless night and a morning spent with a knot in my stomach, I got a phone call telling me I got the apartment! I'm going to go sign my lease on Monday. I'm so terribly happy. I'll finally be able to make myself a home again.

I actually found out Thursday morning, but I've been so busy since, just hadn't had the time to post about it! That evening I went on the most amazing date with a guy named Matt. And I really do mean amazing. It felt like I'd known him ages, there was no awkwardness or shyness. I spent the entire next day in a silly happy daze.

Last night I met up with all the QWO ladies at the Second Cup and we sat there for 5 hours just chatting. I got Tina and Minda to come along too, which is pretty awesome. We went to the Lookout afterward, which is usually a good time, but I didn't have as much fun as usual. My stomach hurt, and I felt stoned even though I hadn't smoked up or had anything to drink. I left around 1:30AM and I'm kind of glad I did. There was supposedly a ton of drama between some of the gals and their exes and flirting and making out... ehhh... lesbians sometimes! I swear!

I got home and hopped on the computer as I am wont to do and Matt was online so we chatted for a bit. I'm seeing him again tonight, and I cannot wait. There's something here. There honestly is, I believe.

I was supposed to go to Wal-Mart and shop for fabric for the quilt I was to make this winter... but they don't sell fabric anymore! The hell?! They've always sold damn fabric. *grump* So now I need to find something else to do all day! I'll probably go to the library, bring back some books I've finished, pick up a book I have on hold waiting for me there. Maybe make a trip to the St-Laurent mall and pick up this totally kick ass awesome Goliath Bird Eating Spider in a display case. Tina and I had seen it the other day, and I told myself I would buy it if I got the apartment. Well, I did. And I still want it. Yay for me about to spend $160 on a dead spider! Woo! Heh.

Well... I suppose I aught to make myself something to eat and get dressed and such, and be on my way. Hope your lives are all going as well as mine seems to be lately... and have a good rest of the weekend!

Cheers!

P.S. Enjoy a little Foreigner... Urgent!

Wish me luck!

2008-12-03T21:01:00.002-05:00

I went to see an apartment today, and I want it really bad. I filled in the rental application and I find out tomorrow if I get it or not.

I'm just worried because of the eviction when I lived with Josh.

Hopefully that doesn't affect anything. I want this place so bad. It's PERFECT for me.

Everybody cross your fingers for me eh? >_<

I'm going on a date tomorrow with a new guy... I'm really looking forward to it. Just feels different from the others.

I'm going to go lay awake in bed now... too nervous to sleep... Cheers!

Finally! A relaxing weekend!

2008-11-30T22:19:00.003-05:00

For once I spent my weekend relaxing. No parties, no drinking, no clubbing, no traveling. Just nice relaxing. On Friday I went with my friend Tina to the St-Laurent mall and got myself a new back-pack since my old one is falling apart at the seams and I needed one. I got a bigger camping style one since I use it to go to Sturgeon and it's handy.

After that I met up with a dude and we tooled around talking a bit. We were wandering around the Chapters on Rideau for a while and I grabbed a Quilting for Dummies book since I plan on making a quilt this winter. I just need to learn how first haha...

Then on Saturday I spent the entire day playing Sims Castaway. Like 9 straight hours man. It was niiiice. I didn't even get dressed. Today I went out for breakfast with Mark and Helen to Eggspectation, and it was pretty darn good. You get your money's worth, really.

Tomorrow morning I'm calling about this 1 bedroom apartment here downtown that I am really, really interested in. Right price, right area, right size... wish me luck eh?

Anyway, the weekend is over and I still work in the morning as usual - even though they're calling for like 25cms of snow and my $70 winter boots lied about being waterproof woo!! - and I should probably finish this up and drag myself up to bed eh?

Cheers!

Go away snow!

2008-11-25T21:13:00.004-05:00

When I woke and went outside this morning, there were 4 wet inches of snow on the ground. Woo. Hate snow. Thankfully I got my winter coat and tuque and gloves while at my parents' this weekend. I got splashed with slushy water by a bus on my walk home from work today. *sigh* I really hate winter.

Today was a shit day because I was stuck in the front of the library since the one fat cow didn't come in to work and my supervisor had a full day of first aid training. That fat bitch better be there tomorrow, because it's another first aid training day for my super.

I'm sorta bummed because I was supposed to get together with a friend of mine for drinks... but she never called me and her cell phone just keeps forwarding me to an answering machine. I'm actually tempted to just head to bed right now after this.

This weekend... ? Not. Doing. Anything.

I am just going to damned relax! Not see anyone. Not go anywhere. Just going to chill.

I have been doing so much lately... there hasn't been a weekend since September where I haven't partied or traveled somewhere. I just want to stay in my PJs all weekend and play Silent Hill and Sims Castaway games.

Anyway... haven't got anything else to say. Here's a photo of Lake Nipissing that I took Saturday afternoon while at my parents' place.

And while I'm at it... enjoy some Skid Row. Why can't guys dress like that anymore? It's so much manlier and sexier...

Not much to say

2008-11-22T11:03:00.003-05:00

But that I'm in Sturgeon for the weekend again. I took a half day at work yesterday and my parents drove up to pick me up and drove back. We got in around 6:30PM last night. I'm leaving tomorrow morning on the Greyhound bus though. Not a long stay at all.

I'm mostly here simply because I hadn't visited since my surprise visit back at the beginning of October. It's nice to see my parents again, and my little boy Caramel. I can't wait to be able to bring that cat to Ottawa with me and install him in my future apartment and not move again! Zazu is outside somewhere... and there's snow... and it's cold. I don't think he'll be back. Yeah, I'm a pessimist.

My dad isn't doing so hot... his disease is going crazy on him. Earlier today he thought he may actually have been having a heart attack. He's 45... he's too damn young to be this sick! It just makes me so angry that there's nothing we can do to help him.

On a more positive note... I booked my hotel room and train tickets for when I go see the AC/DC concert in Toronto come January. Can't wait! I also bought myself some new Harley Davidson motorcycle riding boots, steel toe and the whole nine yards. They are totally killer.

I've been spending a lot of time lately looking at apartments. Since my current room mate Mark's girlfriend will be moving in come February and giving me a bunch of furniture, I don't want to be around come then, and I need someplace to put all the stuff! Right now I'm debating between paying more to continue living downtown like I am now... or to pay less for rent and live back out in Nepean like I did this spring. Downtown is still kind of winning me over though... I love it there so much. It's a neighbourhood that feels like home to me now.

I'd been supposed to get a 2 bedroom place with a friend of mine, to split all the costs and make it cheaper but... I just really want to live alone. I'm tired of having to consider my room mate before I do anything. And I want my privacy. So bad.

Anyway... don't really have all that much else to say at the moment. Maybe I'll take a stroll downstairs and play a wee bit of N64 now that I'm near it.

Cheers!

P.S. Enjoy another music video! A very sexy song... and that blond guitarist? Oh lord, sexy man, sexy finger work!

Err.... oops?

2008-11-16T15:11:00.007-05:00

So I just realized that I haven't posted in like... oh... two weeks! Shit! Oops! But I have a valid reason as to why not! I have been busy. Like stupid busy.

Work is still taking up a lot of my time, as is regular stuff like housecleaning and doing groceries and stuff... but then weekends come around and I'm going to parties and seeing friends and doing all sorts of stuff and I just don't have any relaxation time anymore. Like, sure I finally sat down today to write this up... but I just got back from doing groceries beforehand, and doing other house oriented things earlier.

Last weekend... man that seems so far away, what did I do again? *thinks hard* On Friday I saw my friend Teddy and we watched a movie, but then I bailed on him early 'cause he was drunk as a skunk and being totally annoying. Dude would not shut up. I hate people who will not shut up during movies, drunk or not. Then Saturday, met this dude named Joel, alright guy, spent a bit of time just driving around with him. Then I met up with my friend Melenie and we went to a QWO (Queer Women Ottawa) meeting held at Oh So Good (a desert and coffee shop in the market with amazing cakes) and I had a great time meeting new ladies, just chatting, was very fun and enjoyable. Then I went home for a short time before going over to my friend and co-worker Tina's house. We had supper there, pre-drank and enjoyed a spliff before heading off to the Lookout. Danced my little heart out... Then Sunday I spent the day doing house cleaning because my bedroom was a total disaster zone. Looks good now though, at least.

That Monday I had Joel over for supper and wound up spending most of the next two days with him. I had Tuesday off since it was Remembrance Day and I work for the government. Then Wednesday I went and got myself a pet fish! His name is Mr. Charlie Fish, he's a betta.

Then I saw Joel again... but he made things weird by being damned nosy. Don't know the dude a week and he's asking me shit like "When's the last time you were intimate with someone?" Um. None of your fucking business dude. Which I told him to his face, and he got all pouty and sulky so I'm gonna avoid him for a bit haha... ain't I nice?

Then this Friday I got together with my buddy Kevin and we headed over to a party at my friend Gabby's place for her and another girl Janick's birthday. Got nice and drunk on whiskey (mmm Grant's) and headed out to go clubbing... or at least that was the idea. We were supposed to go this club called Diesel on Elgin. But it was 21+. I'm 20. So were most of the others. Yeah. Then the one guy is like "Well the bouncer will let us in if we pay him extra plus cover." Yeah, no. I can go party other places with no cover and know I'll have a good time. Fuck that. So Kevin and I just went home, which is kinda okay 'cause I was pretty smashed anyway.

Then Saturday... had breakfast with my room mate Mark and his girlfriend Helen. Then lazed around a wee bit trying to get over my hang over haha... My friend Aaron texted me and invited me to a party at he and his girlfriend's place so I agreed to that and after having a nap in the evening (I was sooo tired all of a sudden, just had to) I went to his place down in the Glebe. Once again more whiskey drinking (although I had to go out in the SHITTY RAIN earlier in the day to get more since I'd finished off the rest of my 26er and another mickey of it the night before with Kevin) and then some people took out some chronic. All in all a good night, was nice to see Aaron again, and his girlfriend is really nice.

Today - as I mentioned earlier - I did groceries. And realized I buy a lot of damn fruit and veggies and shit... see for yourself! Haha... I didn't realize that until I had everything set out on the counter either.

Apparently I'm a closet health freak and didn't even know it. Hm. Oh well... I guess it's kind of good that I'm not eating shit food anymore... except I barely eat when I go to my parents' because that's still all they eat!

Anyway, speaking of food... I haven't eaten yet today and my stomac is going to gnaw through my spine soon if I don't.

Cheers!

P.S. Enjoy some Queenrÿche!

Halloween and Birthday Weekend

2008-11-03T18:06:00.006-05:00

So on Friday October 31st, I turned 20. Woo... I am officialy old and out of my teens haha... I spent the weekend in Toronto with my friends Gabbins and Mitch from high school. It was really nice to just chill together, we hadn't had the chance in so long.

We watched cheesy horror movies Friday night (House of Wax, Scream, Texas Chainsaw Massacre) and stayed up stupid late. Then Saturday we went to the Yorkdale mall and did some shopping, and that night we went to the Halloween Haunt at Canada's Wonderland. Michelle hadn't been on a real roller coaster before in her life, and she was a real trooper about it. She also discovered she can't stand going backwards on one haha... They also found out that I laugh hysterically when enjoying a roller coaster. I laughed a lot.

Michelle also realized that clowns are frigging scary. Heh. Poor girl was terrified. Kinda awesome. This meant I did have to do at least one of the haunted houses alone, and a few others only Gabby came along as Mitch waited for us at the exit, but eh...

We came back on the 11:30AM bus Sunday... it was nice to be home again. Was a tiring weekend to say the least. Too bad I dipped into some sort of a funk again that afternoon. It mostly has to do with my singleness... which I am usually pretty chill about, because I love dating and stuff... but well, people fuck around with me and I haaaate it. I wish dudes would just like, be fucking up front about shit. Eh... anyway I'ma shut up about this before I get all whiny.

I have a pretty important interview tomorrow... not too stressed about it but eh. It's for a permanent and full-time job as a library technician for the governement again... hopefully it works out for me and I get the job eh?

I'm gonna sit here now, drinking coffee, listening to my entire Black Sabbath collection (about 6 and a half hours worth on my computer) and be melancholy.

Cheers...

P.S. Enjoy one of my favorite Black Sabbath songs... TV Crimes!

Zombie Walk 2008

2008-10-26T01:47:00.028-04:00

So... really, really late photos from the Zombie Walk this year.

Yeah, this zombie can use a camera...

Zombies on the bus!!!

My co-worker, Tina!

My shirt says "Your girlfriend thinks I'm hot"

These two were awesome!

Baby Zombie bitches!

Zombies on Parliament Hill! Oh no!

Most epic costume of the day!

That's that folks! Come join us next year if you didn't already!

Cheers!

Quick one

2008-10-23T20:25:00.002-04:00

Alrighty well... I would have updated here ages ago, with photos and such of my recent doings but for the fact that my laptop was sent in for a cleaning before I went to Sturgeon and it's not back yet so I can't upload photos or anything...

But this is what I've been up to!

Last weekend I had an awesome weekend with a certain yummy guy. A yummy tall guy, 6'4" tall to be precise. I was always a sucker for the tall ones.

Then Sunday... Zombie Walk! A couple hundred nutty people, dressed up as zombies, walking around Ottawa. Started at a cemetery, through the Byward Market, through the Rideau Centre and onto Parliament Hill. Was totally kick ass awesome. I went with my co-worker Tina and her man. I'll post photos once I'm actually capable.

This week... I bought... a ticket to see AC/DC!!!!! For their show in January at the Rogers Centre in Toronto. I'll be going alone, but I don't really give a shit. AC/DC bitches! The ticket arrived here today actually. I kissed it!

Tomorrow - so far as I know still - I'm seeing Mr. Tall again, gonna go to his place. Gonna be an awesome time for sure. Then on Saturday gonna be decorating the doorway with my room mate Mark and his girlfriend Helen who will be up from Montreal, and then later in the day gonna chill with my friend Zac.

I'm supposed to be getting my laptop back sometime early next week, so that's probably when I'll post next, with photos and such...

Hope y'all have a totally killer awesome weekend. I know I plan on it!

Cheers!

P.S. Check out AC/DC's new album Black Ice. It's killer. I love the songs War Machine and Decibel.

Bear Post

2008-10-12T15:45:00.019-04:00

WARNING: The following images are of a graphic nature. If you are easily offended by DEAD animals, BLOOD or BUTCHERING of wild game meats, DO NOT continue reading.

So we get a call last night. My uncle Jean on the phone. Do we want a small bear? Damn straight! My uncle Brian had shot it but didn't want it, so he'd passed it to my uncle Jean. But he'd just shot a large bear not a week before and didn't really need any more meat. So he gave it to us. We let it hang in his garage overnight, since it was too late to go start skinning it then. My uncle had gutted it and removed the paws, so it was okay to sit there for a bit anyway.

Bear hanging in my uncle's garage...

Then my dad and I hauled it into the back of our van and laid it out on some cardboard, so as not to make a mess. It was a small bear, maybe a year and a half old, but he was still a heavy little bugger!

Bear in the back of the van... so cute!

From there we took it and strung it up on a tripod in our own yard, to skin it. Again, I have to say he was a heavy little sucker!

Bear on the tripod... hanging from ropes through it's skin...

My dad's dog Muffin checking things out!

This is where things get tough and dirty. Skinning an animal is no easy feat. Not that it's complicated - especially when the animal has been gutted already like this bear, plus not having it's paws - but that it's a physicaly demanding task.

Me and the bear...

I was really excited to do this today because I haven't had the chance to butcher or skin any animals in quite a while, a bear especially. The last bear I'd helped butcher, I think I was 15 at the time.

Here my dad starts the job of skinning...

Then I took over skinning for a bit...

Love this photo of me while skinning the bear!

Eventually we got the whole skin off. He was a fat little bear. My dad collected all the fat in a bowl, to give to friends of ours who use it for Native medicines and Ceremonies.

My dad just skinning away from the neck so we could decapitate it...

I threw the skin over to the side. Some people will use the skin, tan it and such. But it's a really long, time consuming and complex process and it costs quite a bit to get done professionaly. Since this bear was so small, it wasn't really worth the trouble.

The bear pelt...

Almost done now...

After this the rope holding the bear up broke and we finished the job on the ground. We had to saw the head off anyway, so it wound up being easier like that.

Bear head before skinning...

I collect bones, so I wanted to keep this bear skull. I skinned it, and now I have it up somewhere where nature will rot and eat away the rest of the skin and flesh, down to the bone. It does a better job than bleach and my own hands could ever do.

After skinning... I did an awesome job if I do say so myself...

Bear head from the side... with the knife I used to skin it...

I didn't get a chance to get any pictures of when we cut it into pieces before bringing it to the butcher, what with my having to help hold the carcass down as my dad sawed it into quarters. Eh well. I still got some awesome shots. After this, my dad and I cleaned the pieces and brought it to a local butcher who specializes in wild game. And that's all she wrote for the bear story.

In about an hour I'll be heading off for Thanksgiving Supper at my mèmère Lucille's house. Can't wait. She makes the best mashed potatoes and gravy. Yum yum!

Cheers!

I'm Sneaky

2008-10-10T12:18:00.003-04:00

I really am. I surprised my parents yesterday. I got on a Greyhound bus yesterday morning, the neighbour picked me up in North Bay and I popped into their store yesterday afternoon totally unexpected. My parents had no clue and weren't expecting me until sometime in November. Well surprise, surprise baby. They of course, were overjoyed. I mean, who isn't to see me? Haha...

I'm still fucking sick... which is driving me insane. But I'm dealing with it, at least I'm not weak anymore. Just lots of coughing, and hacking, and nose blowing. Which blows.

I'm gonna be here in Sturgeon until laaate Sunday night (i.e. 2am) so that I can still have Sunday supper at my grandmother's but not get home stupidly late Monday night like usual. So night bus it is for me, to get in around 7AM Monday morning. Woo.

I've been off work since Monday, which was my last day on the previous contract. Next starts starts on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, as I think I've mentioned before. So I've been kinda on a mini vacation. When I have nothing to do... I spend a lot of money, I have to realize. In two days, I spent like $200 on stuff I didn't really need. A pair of pants, two new things for my septum, I bought a flask for my dad, a stainless steel bracelet for moi... a couple other things. I'm good at spending money. It's a good thing I'm not running out any time soon.

I had a nice quick supper thing with my friend Minda Tuesday night. We got to talking, and we're thinking about actually perhaps getting an apartment together. Since they cost so much in Downtown Ottawa (surprise, no) that it would be way cheaper for us to just get a 2 bedroom place together. Once I'm not sick anymore, I'm gonna go spend a couple days "living" over at her apartment, weekend and weekday, to see if we jive. If we do, in ze living environment, we shall then more seriously look into getting the apartment. Yes. I think it would be pretty cool. We both work full time, so our schedules already mesh, and we get along great, so hey... it's an idea.

Anyway.... I wanna go get dressed, because I've only been awake like half an hour now. Aaaand then I'm gonna go see my mother in the store (the newly opened White Pines Grocery and Gifts) allllll the way at the end of our driveway, and pester my mama because she gets bored. Yeah. I creamed her at Yahtzee last night. See what happens today. Muaha.

Cheers!

Another Sunday Post

2008-10-05T15:54:00.003-04:00

So I'm still sick... but this is probably my fault for not really resting enough. I took last Thursday off from work too, which did me some good, but still dragged myself in Friday morning. Then I wound up going all the way out to Orleans (which is like a 40 minutes bus ride) to go sign a contract so I can work until the end of November where I currently am, and then all the way back, which really tired me out. Then I was up late that night on the telephone with Greg, which didn't help me much either. Plus Saturday I saw Greg again, and then went out with my co-worker Tina.

We were supposed to be going to the Dom (the Dominion tavern in the Market) but there was a cover and neither of us wanted to pay, so we just went to the Lookout instead and danced and enjoyed the drag show. Tina had never been to one before and she enjoyed it. I got my face stuffed into one of the queen's fake titties. It was a fun night. Tiring, but fun. I do feel better today though, all that excitement notwithstanding.

My room mate, his girlfriend and I and some other folks are talking about buying tickets for the 2nd AC/DC concert in Toronto in January, and they go on sale this Friday. We'd make a big trip of it. I sure hope we pull off getting some good tickets. I would do anything to see AC/DC man.

Tomorrow is my last day at work on the current contract, and the next on starts on the 14th, the Tuesday after Thanksgiving here in Canada. So I'm gonna go back up home Thursday morning, surprise my parents. I'm not telling them that I'm coming and I'm getting the neighbours to come pick me up at the station and bring me over. They'll be so happy to see me, it'll be awesome.

Anyway, I need to go get dressed and get my rent money out of the bank since I forgot to do it earlier this week. Hope you all had a good weekend!

Cheers!

Slightly better

2008-10-01T21:24:00.004-04:00

I came home from work early today, because I'm sick. I was feeling light headed and slightly nauseous and I really didn't want to be there anymore. I came home and passed out on my couch watching the Food Network. I'll be staying home tomorrow too, just to rest completely.

Then this evening my friend Greg came over and kept a sick girl company and it made me happy, and I didn't mind being sick so much.

I'm sending out job applications like a mad woman. I really want to stay in Ottawa. I have appointments with placement agencies next week. Wish me luck eh?

Cheers!

P.S. Happy October everybody!

It's weird...

2008-09-28T17:04:00.004-04:00

It's weird how you can have a fantastic few days, and then all of a sudden feel like shit. I seem to be having this problem. I had an amazing Friday night... hung out with my co-worker and friend Tina, got totally drunk and went to the Lookout. Went home when the club closed and parted ways with Tina. Wound up being awake until 6AM talking to someone I really like on MSN, which was nice.

Then on Saturday I saw my best friend Gabby and was introduced to an interesting girl who (even after her telling me something pretty disturbing involving Harry Potter and rated R fan fiction) I think holds promise. I didn't like having to deal with her little brother, a toddler who wouldn't leave me alone, when I hate kids. Not nice. Then later I met back up with Gabby and some other people I went to high school with... got totally drunk again. Went to the Market, but when we got in line at the Liquor Store (it's a club), I didn't really feel like waiting around to only be there half an hour since it was pretty late so I went home and met up with someone else and enjoyed their company instead. I was too drunk to get into that club anyway I think.

But today? Blah. My brain is unhappy, I'm morose, tired, slightly depressed. Don't know why.

This is my last full week of work at the library. I finish next Monday, on the 6th. No sign of further work there, or any new jobs taking me on yet. Looks like I'm going to wind up in Sturgeon after all. But that's okay, I kind of want to go back now.

I seem to be in a state of not really caring anymore. Whatever comes. That's cool with me.

I'm listening to a song that really fits my mood right now... Champagne Supernova by Oasis. Listen to it eh? Good song.

I just spent today trying to recuperate for the last two days, and doing lots of laundry. I eventually need to actually get dressed and go pick up some groceries. Don't really want to leave the house.

I'm thinking about going out to Alberta for a little bit, in October, if nothing comes up. Now or never right? I can't stay in Ontario forever.

I think now that I'm done college, I don't really have any goals. I need to find something... for a while it had been a full time job, a career. But it's so depressing.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. One with work though... *grumbles*

I'm gonna have more coffee, and listen to more moody music (The Reason by Hoobastank right now) and maybe I'll eventually get out and get those groceries eh?

Cheers...

I like myself better...

2008-09-23T12:12:00.005-04:00

...in Black and White. Please go colour blind everyone. Thanks.

"Her eyes were an endless flame, unholy Lady."
- Country Girl by Black Sabbath

Spent another weekend in Sturgeon. Saw my best friend last night, just a fluke we were both back at the same time. Haven't been up to much. Don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Not looking forward to getting home tonight. I like it in limbo. Just not here.

P.S. Bought myself a new leather jacket. I'm in love with it. Leather smells sooo good.

Bleh

2008-09-16T21:23:00.003-04:00

I'm in a shitty mood.

I just want to say fuck work, fuck Ottawa and fuck everybody but the people I care about. Fuck everything.

I honestly don't care if I wind up back in Sturgeon anymore. I don't care about much right now.

I just want to get wasted.

Nothing matters anymore. Everything is goddamn depressing. I hate my job, and most of the people there. I could just strangle a few of my co-workers.

I'm going back to Sturgeon this weekend, and I wish so bad I was already there. I took next Monday and Tuesday off too.

I miss someone really bad right now. They probably won't read this but, your weirdo misses you hey? I just want their company at the moment, no one else.

I'm gonna go lay down and try to sleep, but probably be miserable for a couple more hours and then depressed worrying about my lack of sleep and then have nightmares and wake up tired and depressed to go in to a job I hate now. WEE!

Fuck you world.

Just because

2008-09-14T22:02:00.003-04:00

Well, I'm mostly updating right now just because if I don't, I'll start letting things slide and I don't want that. I haven't been up to much lately... although I've also been busy.

Last weekend I accidentally stabbed my hand while drunk, after carving my initials into a table. 'Cause I'm awesome like that.

Um the competition for the permanent position for my job went up Friday and I applied to it and things are looking great on that front.

I saw my friend Gabby Friday evening which was wonderful.

I did oodles of laundry yesterday and totally re-arranged the furniture in my bedroom so that I actually have some room to move. It's nice and fresh feeling now. I like it.

I spent today with a very special girl and I hope to see her again soon, as it was much enjoyable. Also, her mitten kitty is the cutest darned thing you ever saw.

I've been doing calligraphy lately, and did a piece as a birthday present for my mother... and now I just need to put it together with the nice background paper I got for that... and yeah... I'm planning on going up to Sturgeon this weekend, so I need to have it done before then. Bleh.

I have an exam for another position with the government tomorrow so I can't be up too late. Night.

Cheers!

Cheech and Chong LIVE!

2008-09-06T13:56:00.007-04:00

Holy shit fuck! Oh my god! Last night was the best night ever!!!

I GOT TO SEE CHEECH AND CHONG LIVE!!!!

Holy crap!!! It was kick ass! Totally amazing and hilarious!!!

I was at work yesterday, looking at the acts on at the National Arts Centre here in Ottawa... and then I spot it... Cheech and Chong, September 5, 2008. First I got all excited and then I was like "Wait, this shit's been on sale since the beginning of August, it'll all be sold out." And so I thought it was.... and was totally bummed out about it...

But, when I got home from work that evening, I gave the theatre a call anyway, just to see... the guy said they had four tickets left. I ran to the fucking box office and got the last one. Holy crap.

I got the last Cheech and Chong ticket, for their first show on their tour in Gods know how many years now... and I got it not 2 hours before the show was to start! I was in the throes of extasy let me tell ya.

It was the most amazing two hours of my life... I got to see two of my lifelong idles up close and personal, 5 rows from the stage. It was.... just wow. I laughed so hard it hurt.

I can die happy now hahaha... I tried taking pics... but well, taking pics when laughing doesn't usually work out so well eh?

Waiting for the show start... got there early... so close to the stage!!!
Cheech and Chong Light up Canada!!!

Old man in the park skit... hilarious!!!
"Come here little pidgeon... that's it..." *smashes it on the head with his cane*

Chong being his awesome Tommy Chong self... talking about pot man! What else!

This shirt makes me sooo happy it isn't even funny... !

And that's what I did Friday night... saw two of the most amazing people on the planet!

Cheers!

Nipissing First Nation Pow-Wow 2008

2008-08-31T21:19:00.033-04:00

Hey all! Well, I am at my parents' house for the long weekend. I arrived late Friday night on the bus, and I'll be leaving for Ottawa on Tuesday. I spent the last two days up in Jocko Point at the Nipissing First Nation's 2008 Pow-Wow. This is their twentieth.

Listening to that drumming... oh man, it just gets into your veins. The steady beat, and those voices... it's so powerful. If you ever get a chance to go to a Pow-Wow, you should totally go!

I took tons of photos, and quite a few videos... words cannot describe my experience... but maybe these will help... (if ya click on the photos, they get a helluva lot larger, so feel free to admire then like that!)

Beautiful traditional women's regalia...

These previous three men are all Grass Dancers, the dancers who made certain the dancing area was safe for the others by stamping down the grass.

Lunch break! Baloney and Bannock!

Shelter for the the drummers, built on the traditional Pow-Wow grounds of old...

This man's regalia was amazing... and he was a fantastic dancer...

My mother's favorite grass dancer, he was great!

Another marvelously dressed Elder...

My neighbour's son Kota... he's camera shy!

Oooh... I want one! Can I bring him home?

Handsome man! *takes him home*

Next will be the videos I took... I took them with my digital camera. You'll have to pardon my horrible camera skills, and any bad sound that might come through. It is just a digital camera after all. Enjoy!

Traditional opening Grass Dance...

An inter-tribal dance...

This little boy was having a ball haha... no matter how much he fell, he never cried!

These are all Fancy Shawl dancers... mostly young girls do this sort of dance.

First Men's Traditional video... it's amazing to watch them dance their style...

More from the Men's Traditional Dance... this guy was amazing!

Hoop Dancers... totally amazing to watch!

And with all that done, I leave you with the view from my parents' yard this evening... Lake Nipissing at Sunset.

Capital Pride 2008

2008-08-25T20:49:00.033-04:00

So I went to the Pride Parade yesterday and it was great! Heather and I had an absolutely marvelous time! I took oodles of photos... so brace yourself, here they come!

Heather and I...

Bikers! Yay!

That's 613-321-ORAL folks haha...

Wait... the Ottawa Police have a Smart Car?!

Student Pride!

Lik-a-lotta-pus!!!

Trans love baby!

Capital Pride! The people we have to thank! Yay!

Gotta love the Drag Queens!

The Fetish folks! Right on! Yummy too heh...

Go les boys! Gay hockey!

Zelda! Miss Gay Ottawa 2008!

This guy was awesome! Go dude! Made my day!

I know a lot of those people... haha...

Sooo ridiculously sexy this person was! Yum!

I flashed no one for those beads! Haha...

Another amazing outfit!

After the parade... gay bi les trans all around! Pride!

And that folks... was my day at the pride parade! Woot! Totally awesome! Totally fun! Wouldn't miss it for the world!

On another note... that night I met up with my friend Zac and we headed over to Mavericks and I got see the Ghost Bees live and it was amazing. Boy can those girls sing! Such pretty voices... and sweet little things! I got home really late and was super tired today but man it was worth it!

Anyway... I'm dead tired... I'll see about perhaps posting some of the videos I took of the parade another time...

Happy Pride everybody!

Cheers!

Busy bee

2008-08-24T11:39:00.003-04:00

Hey all! Well, once again, I've been a busy, busy girl.

Last week was a typical work week - and my pay week yay! - and I did my usual stuff. I got signed at work from September 18th to October 6th so my contract is lasting a little longer, which is wicked. Looking really good to my getting in permanent soon now.

On Tuesday my parents' neighbours and our friends the McCleods gave me a call and invited me out for supper with them since they were in Ottawa for a Native Conference. Only their son Dakota was with them, since Echo and Falcon had camp and work and couldn't come along. It was nice seeing familiar faces from back home again.

Oh! And guess what happened! Someone broke into my parents' house! Through my old bedroom window no less! They went in right in the middle of the day too, in broad daylight! They took my dad's medication (which on the street can bring a pretty penny) and nothing else. The cops got half a finger print, but haven't got anybody yet. The only guy my parents could think of that might have done it is already in jail for something else so they have no idea. Hope they catch that fucker!

Friday night I went out with Heather to the Lookout again. Sadly we actually had to wait in line to get in, which like never happens, but we had both forgotten that it was pride weekend. We both enjoyed ourselves and danced ourselves silly.

Then on Saturday my friend Zac came over and we made cupcakes, haha. I'd had this insane urge for cupcakes on Thursday this week and I really had fun making them, but I don't really feel like eating them anymore haha. So now I have a ton of cupcakes that I don't want to eat!

Cupcakes! Yay!

Then that night I went on a date... and once again I was disappointed. He was a great guy, really... just not one I want. Which frustrates the hell out of me because he was interesting, funny, sweet, smart, handsome... but god damnit I just couldn't like the dude! I seem to only be attracted to hell raising trouble makers that'll break my heart.

Waiting around... dig my new septum jewelery!

Anyway... and now today I'm just waiting around for Heather to arrive so that we can go see the Pride Parade! Yeah! It'll be awesome fun. I'm bringing my camera so you'll likely to get see a nice buncha photos from that too.

Bad week, good weekend

2008-08-17T14:18:00.003-04:00

Well this last week was torture for me... I started a cold last weekend and it really hit me hard during the week. I actually took Tuesday and Wednesday off from work to try and get better - and it did do me some good - but it wasn't enough. I'm still coughing and hacking right now, but at least my strength is back.

I was really glad to see Friday roll around let me tell ya... so glad... that day at work though, I was a total zombie. I just sort of sat in my chair, doing my tasks automatically, not really responding to my co-workers attempts at chit chat (not that I really WANT to usually anyway) and just kind of zoning out. Was bad.

Random photo of my cubicle at work where I spend 3 of the 5 days a week working... note my green thermos full of coffee and the crazy red thing with eeeeyes!

Oddly enough, that night I still managed to get drunk and dance my heart out at the Lookout with a bunch of my bi girlfriends. It was a really awesome night, and we all had a great time. It was nice to just go out and enjoy my friends' company and have a good time for no apparent reason, with no drama or bullshit.

Then yesterday I went to the eye doctor's for my appointment... and I got me some contacts! I'm still getting used to the world not having a frame around it anymore haha... it's pretty awesome indeed. I also got myself some sun glasses... because now that I don't have my regular transition glasses on... I need me some of those. It's fun, having sun glasses. I know that sounds weird but I haven't had a nice pair of sun glasses since before I was in 8th grade when I started wearing glasses so haha... yeah.

Right now I'm just waiting for my friend Curtis to get home from work and give me a call... he was supposed to come over last night but remembered that he worked at 7am this morning so that sort of changed plans haha.

Anyway... that's that for now I suppose. It's payday this week and I can't wait to have more money in my hands after all the cash I spent last weekend. Money is my friend.

Cheers!

P.S. Enjoy some ZZ Top!

Parental Weekend

2008-08-10T20:12:00.016-04:00

So, I had invited my parents up to Ottawa this weekend, paid their hotel room for the two nights, my treat. It was really nice seeing them again - even with my dad's little tantrums about traffic - although I got like no rest since it was always go-go-go.

So... they arrived Friday evening... earlier than I'd expected. I get a call at like quarter after 6PM telling me they're driving into Ottawa and will be at their hotel in about 20 minutes. I meanwhile, had just showered and was sitting here in my bathrobe with wet hair and making myself some food. So I passed my food off to my room mate Mark and hurriedly got dressed and zipped off to meet them. We went to the casino over in Gatineau for a little while but ended up leaving after about an hour as I was bored out of my skull and my parents weren't much more interested.

Saturday I got up at a horribly early 8AM to go meet them for breakfast in their room. From there we headed to the Byward Market, where I scored myself a new ring with spider designs, as well as little scorpion ear rings from my bug lady, yay!

Me and my new friend!

I had fun taking random pictures of stuff... speaking of which... we walked into this one store and some of the stuff in there made me laugh so hard... see for yourself!

Yes, they are doing exactly that...

Penis bottle openers for the win!

Like, isn't that the most hilarious, awesome thing you've ever seen? My dad was laughing at me while I took the pictures but damnit, I had to be able to share this!

A shirt at one of many stalls... ah Native humor...

From there we went to a bead store that I wanted my mom to see... and well, I like shiny things and expensive beads can be shiny. So we went. Beads!

Ooooh... pretty, pretty colors!

After this I brought my parents to Rock Junction (like, a head shop, a hardcore shoe store and a band t-shirt place all in one... a.k.a. my heaven!) because I wanted my dad to take a look at all the Harley Davidson boots they have there... (I am so going back to get myself a damn pair someday!) and my mom was kind enough to buy me a new piece of jewelery for my septum. It's black with pointed beads and ya'll will likely see photos of me wearing it someday soon.

Band tee-shirt heaven! My heaven!

Then there was more wanderings around the market, and I found lots of stuff to keep me amused... like finger puppets!

Muahaha Donald Duck finger puppet!

And of course tons of shiny things!

Can't have enough rings and things!

And there are also always oodles of plants to see in the market...

Hee! Cacti are cute!

After finally having our fill of the market, we went for lunch, and then did... surprise! More shopping! My mom wanted to go to this one specific store she'd always loved... I got bored pretty fast but amused myself playing with one of those silly lights that are all magnetic electrified craziness inside a sphere? Yeah... and these things were nifty too...

Librarian mug! But it was $12 so I didn't buy it... lame!

There was a wall with these nifty celebrity paintings on it... I swear, if I ever get my own apartment again any time soon... I am totally gonna decorate the place with paintings of friggin' Scarface! For sure!

Awesome! I wanted it so bad...

And yeah... then we went to a killer Chinese buffet and I must have eaten like... 20 pairs of frogs legs... yummy! We were supposed to go the Lantern Festival that night but that fell through...

Today we went for a short cruise tour thingy on the Rideau canal and my parents headed home a few hours ago...

I am totally burnt out and tired and I have a cold and I am a miserable girl and I am going to go sleep now!

Cheers all!

So... I own a car now?

2008-08-02T23:35:00.004-04:00

I'm sitting in the living room last evening with my room mate Mark and his girlfriend Helene when my cell phone rings. I make a mad dash to the kitchen and dive at the counter just in time to snatch up my cell phone and answer.

Turns out it was my mom, and she asks me if I'm busy. I affirm that no, no I wasn't, so she hands me over to my dad. He sounds particularly excited, and says to me, "So, I bought something, and thought you might be interested." Oh really? So of course I ask what it is he bought.

He then explains to me that he is now in possession of a 1990 Ford Mustang, road ready, am I interested in buying it off him? Hell yeah! So yep, when my parents' come up for their visit next weekend, I'll be handing over the cash ($1000) and my dad will hand me my pinks and the deal will be sealed. My mom gifted me her hood pins, she's a sweetie! And if you don't know what hood pins are, shame on you.

But yeah! This is totally wicked! By the winter, I shall either be back in Sturgeon, with my car for freedom, or here in Ottawa with a killer job and my car to boot. Either way, this rocks my socks man!

Just wanted to share the good news about my car.... mmmm Mustang!

Cheers!

Here I go again on my own...

2008-07-30T21:57:00.004-04:00

Well, I left my boyfriend this evening. I know that as the dumper, I shouldn't really feel bad, but I do. I feel regret, and I'll miss him, but I still think it was the right choice.

If you're reading this boyo, I won't forget you, and I really enjoyed our time together, and I can only hope you don't decide to distance yourself from me because I am going to miss you.

I just don't think I'm supposed to be in any sort of relationship right now... I can't commit to myself to anything serious, and I just end up hurting people.

Thank the Gods I'm only 19...

My new tattoos!

2008-07-27T19:43:00.003-04:00

Well I haven't oodles of time to write this up, since it's late enough this Sunday evening and I'd rather not be up too late tonight as I do work in the morning.

I got my tattoos, it was even more painless than the first, Buzz is a great guy and a great tattooist and I really enjoyed my session. They both turned out marvelous and I'm so happy.

Check them out for yourself!

This is my great grandmother's name... she passed away two years ago.

It says "I have the strength to overcome anything" in French.

And there you have it folks... my two new tattoos, which I love very, very much. I have a feeling I'm going to wind up covered in these things eventually... oye...

Cheers!

Tattoos Tomorrow!

2008-07-25T17:03:00.002-04:00

YAY! I'm going to get tattooed tomorrow! *runs around gleefully*

I made the appointment while at work... muahahaha!

I'm getting it done at Silverline Tattoo which is the same place I got my septum pierced. I've been told by quite a few people that they're a really good place to get tattoos done, and I even get to have mine done by the shop owner Buzz! *squeals happily*

Ahhh... I can't wait. Ever since I got my spider done, I've wanted to get more. I either just had no money, no time, or couldn't make up my mind as to what I wanted to get!

But now it is totally getting done... Like I said, I'm getting two. They're small though, nothing huge or hardcore.

One is my great-grandmother's name, "Germaine" and also the french phrase "J'ai la force pour tout surmonter" which means "I have the strength to overcome anything" and yeah I'm French so I know what I'm getting tattooed haha. The last thing I'd want to do is get something in a foreign language and have it say something completely different than what I think it does.

*hops around* My boyfriend is coming with me... and I'd wanted my best friend to come too but she's working, so sadly she cannot.

I'll totally post photos of them once it's all over and done with and I'll make certain that they're good ones. I'll have to get my boyfriend to take shots of one of them since it will be on my right shoulder blade.

Anyhow... I'm going to go rush around and be all gleeful now. Can't wait!!!

Floating

2008-07-22T20:49:00.004-04:00

Well, I had a marvelous afternoon today with my best friend Gabby. We met up for supper and then came back to my place and played a little guitar hero, drank some Heineken... and then off she went. Hadn't seen her in weeks, and it was nice to be together again, even if just for a short time.

I'm still not really in a blogging mood, for the second time, but I'm forcing myself to do this or else I'll never want to tackle the damn thing when time comes later on.

My aunt and uncle and two cousins were up from Sturgeon, for a coin show here in Ottawa. I spent most of the weekend with them, which was fun, and it reminded me how much I love them.

Sunday I had supper with my boyfriend at his mother's house, making it the first time I ever meet the woman. She seemed a bit flighty, but altogether an alright person. I wouldn't mind seeing her again. It was new to me - meeting a mom - because my one ex (the one I lived with) had no mother for me to meet as she'd passed away when he was 14, and it just never happened with the lad previous to this one.

I'm getting paid tomorrow, which I am looking forward to. The more money in my hands, the better. I'd still like to get myself outta Mark's place... every week I'm here longer, I feel worse and worse, for taking advantage of his hospitality like this.

I'd just need life to keep from fucking me over just a little longer, so that I can get an apartment and a full time permanent job and really be settled into life so I can handle the next devastating event. Because I'm tired of this shit.

So tired.

In the words of Feist... "There's so much past inside my present."

Weekend in Sturgeon

2008-07-15T19:53:00.004-04:00

Well, today was my first day back at work since last Thursday. I'd taken Friday and Monday off to go to Sturgeon and make it an extra long weekend. I brought the boyfriend along, and it was the first time he met my parents, but it went well. I got to hang out with my best friend Leah, which was also great.

I could actually make this a really long post, add oodles of photos and the like as I usually do but, I just don't feel up to it. I'm tired, and sorta bummed out.

I'm kind of lost and confused when it comes to my life at the moment. Mostly job-wise, but also as to where I'll be living in a few months. What I want to do with myself and the time given me. My job contract is up September 18th, and from then on, I pretty much have no strings attached to me except paying off my student loan.

I'm actually thinking about maybe moving to another city... another province. Maybe across Canada somewhere? If anybody has any advice, I'd be happy to listen.

I want something new, and I have nothing to hold me here, and nothing to lose.

Because smiling is overrated.

What a day...

2008-07-07T18:14:00.008-04:00

Well... this has been a ridiculously long day. Seems that my hours at work dragged on endlessly and now that my time is finally my own, it's flying by so much faster than I would like. Today was the day the woman I'm replacing came back to work part-time. I am not happy about it.

I was hired because she was gone on sick leave, and the library had no one to fill her post. I am now working full time as the circulation clerk for them. And now she comes back and boots me out of my desk area and into the back where I'm stuck doing stupid little "projects" instead of the work I was actually hired to do. Let's say I spent today doing many a thing other than what I was really supposed to. I am not a happy girl, and when I am not happy, I do what I want and I get even.

Just seeing that woman sitting at my desk makes my blood boil. My contract ends in mid-September and for a while I had hoped that there might be a chance of their keeping me on full-time term afterward but now that this bitch is back, well, I can forget about that. This means I have to start looking for another job, again! I am sick of looking for jobs and all this damned instability!

I want to move out from Mark's condo and get my own apartment, but if I don't even have guaranteed work after September, well, it's not exactly something I can work in here. I just feel so insulted. That's my job! And I was watching her today... she isn't exactly the most productive of people. I do more work alone at my rightful post than we both got done together today. I could probably have gotten more done today but for the fact that - having been deposed from my usual computer - I had no access to my e-mail or other such work related thing with which I perform many of my duties.

She's only going to be at the office three days a week, and I'll be back up front on Thursday and Fridays, but that's just as bad because we then have to co-ordinate our tasks with each other so things don't go undone until we return to that desk the few days later. It's so stupid. It just makes me angry.

Eh anyway... enough of my cranky ranting.

I can't wait for Thursday afternoon. That'll be the end of my work week and that night Zac and I will be taking the midnight bus down to Sturgeon. I'd meant to ask for next Monday off as well but it slipped my mind today, so I'll have to get to that tomorrow. We were going to leave Sunday, but since he has Monday off already, I figured I might as well get it off too so that we can stay as long as possible. My supervisor is taking like a month off as of the 30th this month and I can't take any days off during that time so that's why I want to get this done now while I can.

I need to go buy myself a bathing suit sometime this week so that I can actually go swimming this weekend. Since my parents live on the lake, and it's supposed to be uber hot and totally gorgeous this weekend, I would really rather not pass up on that for a silly reason like not having a bathing suit. I could indeed go swimming in my clothes, but I don't really have any clothes I would like to do that to, not anymore anyway.

I should actually be off doing groceries right now, since I have no food for my lunch, but instead I'm here listening to Boot Scoot n' Boogy by Brooks n' Dunn, because it played at my friend Jenny's wedding and I just had to download it.

Aaand I just discovered that the CD I bought the other day, that when put into my computer told me the songs were not the ones I had bought, were actually mis-labeled but were the correct songs after all? I ripped some of them onto my computer to put on my mp3 player before seeing the wrong titles and only just now discovered this... I returned the CD. Man, wish I hadn't, I'd wanted that album. Darn. Eh wells.

Anyway, I'm going to go do those evil groceries now that it's not super insanely warm out anymore, and before it gets too late and the store is all mucked up and disorganized and junk. And before I lose the will to do so.

Cheers!

P.S. This is an example of what I do when I have empty time at my parents' and everyone else is sleeping!

This, and other photos (and written stuff) that I took are online at : http://cel3131.deviantart.com/

When Death Calls

2008-07-02T23:41:00.025-04:00

Monday morning at 6AM, I received a dreadful phone call. My mother told me my grandfather was dying and in the hospital, and I had best take the first bus to Sturgeon if I ever hoped to see him before he passed. I packed myself some clothes, and hit the road.

That was one hella stressful trip let me tell ya. The bus ended up being an hour late, which is ridiculous for a trip that usually only takes five at the most. Plus this dude behind me had the runs the entire trip and was stinking up the bus, and wouldn't shut the hell up. By the end of the trip, I wanted to beat the living shit out of him until he was nothing but human pulp.

My dad picked me up in North Bay and we raced back to the hospital in Sturgeon. He was almost convinced that we would get there and be too late. We almost ran through the corridors to get to my grandfather's room. When we got in everyone was quiet, and morose. My grandfather was slumped over in bed, mouth hanging open, oxygen mask on his face and IV tubes in his arms.

They told me that he had been like this for hours, not answering to anyone or anything, seemingly disconnected. The doctors said he wasn't going to make it, that he should already be dead. I sat down in a chair next to the hospital bed, and I took his hand, and I said to him "Pèpère, it's me, Célynne. I'm back from Ottawa." and he sat up.

He blinked, looked around, and saw me. I repeated my name. He said hello.

My family, especially my grandmother, are convinced that he had been waiting for me, and that I was the one to turn him around, and lead him away from Death. He's only been getting better since. He's by no means anywhere near healthy enough to leave the hospital, but it looks like he's going to live.

I'm going to be returning to Ottawa tomorrow, and work on Friday. I'll still be coming back in two weekends, this time with the boyfriend.

********************

On another note... to better and more pleasant things. I've taken the opportunity to spend some time with my family now that I'm here. My cousin Paul spent most of yesterday with me and it was nice being together again, just the two of us.

We went for a walk out in the bush near my parents' house and well... crazy insanity of awesome ensued. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy my cousin's company.

My cousin passing an ice hut and an abandoned truck near my house.

We were just walking along when we found these two old cars, that had been abandoned in the woods years ago. And I mean old. Have a look for yourself!

This car was just buried in pine needles. Someone had also taken its engine.

This second car wasn't very far from the first one.

My cousin putting his pop down to try and lift the hood.

This car's engine was still there, an in-line 6.

Proof that I was there! Oh yeah!

Can you say old?

Paul removing it with my pocket knife.

We then moved on... after opening the car trunks and wondering if we might find a body or two. Hey, we're on a reservation, ya never know... We came upon this no-dumping sign... I love it's message haha... yep, totally reserve land.

NO DUMPING OF FISH or other refuse

Once we were back by the road where we'd begun. Abandoned boat.

We eventually made it back to the road... where we found something that terribly amused us. So much so, that I felt compelled to video tape it so I could share it with others.

We went back to my parents' after this, and had a fish fry supper of deliciousness. Afterwards we went back to the hospital to see my grandfather, but only stayed half an hour as there were quite a few people there. Upon our return... it was 4-wheeling time!

My dad wanted to go look for eagle feathers, for his native crafts. The eagles all nest on this one particular island, so you'd need a boat to get there, but he knows where they like to rest and preen on the mainland. You can't exactly get there by car though... So, since my cousin had come to our place on his own 4-wheeler, we just took our two out and off we went!

My cousin being a goof...

Who needs helmets? Not me or Paul! Hellz no!

My dad lookin' for feathers in the old chimney, my mom beside him.

The bikes, lake Nipissing and the eagles' island.

After my dad found enough feathers to satisfy himself, we started exploring a bit. We found a boat, that appeared stolen, as it was pulled ashore, with just it's engine, and nothing else inside it. We also wandered over to this cabin that had never been completely finished. Which is a pity because it could have been amazing.

Inside the cabin... note the busted windows.

The kitchen counter: I cleaned this - Fuck you!

The "bedroom" that could have been. Now just garbage.

And this cracked me up... a lawnmower with a washing machine tub attached, and accompanying smashed TV.

After that we left, and my parents' went home but I stopped in at my cousin's to see his two new lizards. They're so cute! And the one little guy loved climbing me. So adorable!

After that I went home and slept for over 12 hours haha... apparently I was tired? As I am now actually...

I hope you all had a good Canada Day (for those of you who are Canadian anyway!) and have a good rest of the week!

Cheers!

One busy weekend

2008-06-22T15:02:00.002-04:00

Hello all,

Well boy oh boy have I been a busy girl since my last short post on Friday. I left for the wedding not long after that, and it was a gorgeous ceremony. I can proudly say I did not cry, although I must admit I came close. It's just so marvelous to see Jenny so happy like that. I'm going to miss her so much now that she's moving out to Alberta with her husband. (wow, I have friends with husbands now!) It was nice seeing Amy and Amanda and Shane as well, since now that we're out of school we've all pretty much spread out on our own paths again.

Oh and guess what? I caught the bride's bouquet. Looks like I'm the next one getting married eh! Haha... eh boy.

Saturday morning... oh boy. The most hilarious thing happened. Well, I think it is. Some people would probably thing it's creepy but anyway. So it's 5:30AM and I'm sleeping in bed, when all of a sudden Mark opens my bedroom door, comes in mumbling about cats and drops this blanket on my bed and then I'm like "What? What's going on? What is it?" because ya know, I'm half asleep right, haha. Then he leaves the room and comes back two seconds later, apologizing like crazy and takes the blanket and leaves again... the man was sleep walking! Haha... I just lay in bed giggling for like 5 minutes after that.

I went back to sleep not long after and woke again at 11AM. Went down and had some breaky with Mark before he headed off to Montreal for the weekend. Then my boyfriend Zac arrived at 1PM and not long after we left to his friend Lauren's for a little get together of his friends. It was sort of odd for me since I was the oldest one there, plus not knowing anyone but Zac but yeah. It was still enjoyable.

We left there around 7:30PM and came back here and I commenced to the drinking. My friend Gabby was supposed to meet up with us and all three of us go out clubbing but she canceled to go back to Sturgeon for the week. So Zac and I just stayed home and got drunk and watched the first season of Dead Like Me until like 1:30AM when we finally went to bed.

I was up briefly this morning around 7AM when Zac had to leave for work but I went back to sleep again until 9:30AM. I went and did a good haul of groceries, got some laundry done and made myself some alfredo pasta for lunch. Then I made a trip to the Home Hardware to go buy some electrical tape and small screw drivers so I could change the thermostat.

Mark already had an electronic one up, but it was pretty rudimentary, so he bought a better quliaty one that we can set schedules of when to turn the heat or AC on or off, which is pretty rad. I'd tried installing it on Friday since I had spare time but I didn't have all the tools and such. I got it done today though, was easy peasy and didn't take very long. I don't see why he didn't just do it himself, seriously... so simple. It probably would have just sat in that bag for weeks if I hadn't been here to do it for him.

I'm just chillin' now, listening to one of the Black Sabbath CD's I bought earlier on the way back from the hardware store. I got Dehumanizer, and The Best of Black Sabbath which is what I'm listening to now. I love the songs When Death Calls and Evil Eye although they're all killer songs. There isn't a Black Sabbath song that this girl doesn't like.

Ah... Monday tomorrow. I hate Mondays. At least I get Tuesday off for la St-Jean... for you non-canadians and non-québecers/francophones, la St-Jean is a Québec holiday akin to Canada Day. Since I work in Québec, and for the government, I get the day off. I'm totally gonna party tomorrow night out in Aylmer with some friends.

Anyway... I need to go write some french lessons for my student Daphne before I get too lazy today and get nothing else done! And since my next lesson with her is on Wednesday, it needs to be done.

I hope you're weekend was as fun filled as mine!

Cheers!

The Wedding

2008-06-20T15:02:00.002-04:00

Well I'm going to keep this short and sweet as I haven't much time. I'm going to a wedding this evening. The wedding of my dear friend Jennifer. We went to college together and both worked at the RCMP together last summer, plus taking belly dancing classes together. (yes, I belly danced)

She's only a year older than I am and yet she's getting married. Scares the crap outta me! But I'm happy for her and wish her the best!

On another note, I finally got my emergency advance pay today... so for once in 5 weeks, I'm not broke! Woo!

I also have a boyfriend again... the dear Zac. Let's see how this turns out, eh? Hopefully better than my last relationships... yep.

Anyway... I'm going to go pace worriedly by the window waiting for Mark to arrive so he can drive me to the wedding and have me not be late!

Cheers!

I'm done!

2008-06-15T14:06:00.008-04:00

As of Friday, June 13th, I am officially a college graduate! Yay! *dances* Holy crap am I glad that's done. I am not going back to school... not for another ten goddamn years at least! The ceremony was alright, it was nice, although watching everybody else walk up across the stage was lame. I just wanted my diploma and to hit the road.

Some guy yelled "That's my daughter!" which was pretty normal... but then he yelled, "Sorry, wrong girl!" haha... I'd just like to know how he messed up because they announce everyone's name before they walk across the stage.

My parents and I.

My grandmother and I.

I was glad to see my few girlfriends from class again, since this was pretty much the last time we'll ever be all together again. My friend Jennifer is getting married next Friday and then moving to Alberta with her husband, and Amanda lives in Kingston, and then well, I just don't see Amy or Michelle.

Amy, Jennifer and I.

After the ceremony my dad made me take oodles of pictures... and then we went shopping since my dad decided I needed more work clothes and stuff. I didn't complain since he was paying for everything. We met up with my friend Gabby and then after the shopping we went out for supper. Mark joined us as well... and we went to this steak house called Prime 360. Not your cheap ass place anyway, haha. I don't even want to think about how much the bill came up for the six of us.

Gabby and I.

We went to the Museum of Civilizations on Saturday... I got us in for free since I did one of my college placement's there. We spent quite a few hours in there but eventually the stone floors were taking a tole on my dad and we had to split early, which sucks since I know my mom and grandmother wanted to keep looking around, as did I.

Myself at the museum.

Then after they left to head back to Sturgeon, around 2PM, I came back home and chilled for a bit until Zac came over. I had an awesome evening with him... we listened to the entire We Sold Our Souls for Rock n' Roll album by Black Sabbath and watched the first Terminator movie. I was ridiculously tired though, from all the running around earlier in the day.

*stops and listens to the thunder* I was out not long ago getting some groceries and I just missed being caught in the storm. I was still rained on, but only enough to dampen my clothes a little. If I'd have taken even five more minutes, I would've been soaked. There are so many thunderstorms lately, it's nuts. They're calling for rain almost everyday this week again. I hate it because I walk to and from work, and being caught in cock sucking rain is just not pleasant.

I'm just chillin' now... not doing much. I could probably make myself something real to eat since all I've ingested today was like 6 cups of coffee and a Mr. Noodle. Zac is probably going to be coming over again this evening after he gets off work, unless something else comes up.

Ah Monday again tomorrow... and supposedly this week I'm going to finally be getting some money... albeit an emergency pay advance but still. And if things go really well, I'll get the rest of my regular pay Wednesday next week and from then on will have a regular paycheck like everybody else. Sometimes on Sunday afternoons I think I dread work... but really I just dread having to wake up at a time my body does not appreciate, because the work is really great.

Anyway... I'm gonna go make myself some food and watch some television. Hope y'all had as fantastic a weekend as I did!

Cheers!

Happy times of summer

2008-06-07T15:28:00.003-04:00

Well summer is really, really here now. None of that "It's gorgeous and warm today, but tomorrow we're gonna freeze yo' ass!" bullshit like before.

It's like 28*C outside right now... and with humidity it feels like 38*C instead. It's been uber humid for like the past week... hasn't stopped raining. Today is the first really nice sunny day there's been in a while. And of course I'm indoors hiding from the heat with Air Conditioning on haha. I am going out soon, albeit if only to go get some batteries for my speakers so I can listen to music on my laptop with some sort of descent sound... but yeah. Outside is outside, even if for a limited amount of time.

I had a fantastic evening last night, as I had a certain someone over to keep me company. I have hope that perhaps something will come of this, but I am in no hurry. Too many of my relationships have been smashed to bits because of my haste.

To switch gears, I've been working for three weeks now and have still yet to receive a pay check. Word is that I won't receive one for at least another 4 weeks, something I cannot live with at the moment. If I don't get a pay on this Wednesday, the next pay day, I'll be applying for an emergency pay advance, because I really need money right now.

I'm graduating next week... on Friday the 13th. I can't wait... my parents and grandmother are coming up to see me, and it'll be quite enjoyable I'm certain. I have my dress and shoes and my good intentions and now all I need is for the day to role around.

Anyhow... I haven't really much to say at the moment. I'm most likely going to the Lookout again tonight, to see the Drag Show again. Alone this time, but hey free entertainment, haha.

Cheers!

Yes folks...

2008-06-03T17:24:00.003-04:00

I am indeed this easily amused. The video beneath is a cat... jumping at a food morsel... to the tune of old school Super Mario sound effects. Oh yeah baby.

**********************

Well, I'm sitting around here after work... not doing much. Mark is gone to Toronto for work so I have the place to myself until tomorrow evening. The weather is absolute shit lately. Rain most of the time, even the occasional thunder storm, and holy fuck is it humid man. Your clothes stick to you and the air is just ridiculously heavy. I hate it! I want it to be warm and dry!

I applied to the local grocery store around the corner for a second job... I'm working full time right now, and technically I'm making great money. But I won't be getting my first pay for another 4-8 weeks and I really can't wait that long for money. Mark is being a total dear and letting me pay him rent later, once I actually have the money, but I need cash for other stuff too!
So yeah... hoping something comes from that.

I've been listening to the same CD constantly for like a week now... Whitesnake's Greatest Hits. I bought it at this little shop around the corner run by this totally wicked hippy dude. Ah hair metal... I loves it. It's gotten to the point where I'm going around at work singing under my breath the lyrics to like "Fool for your loving" or "Judgment Day" haha. I am such an odd librarian indeed.

My official graduation is next week, so my grandmother and parents are coming up to spend two nights and see the whole shebang. I keep forgetting that I'm done school and then stuff happens that just makes it hit home. Like Sunday, I went out for supper with my good friend Gabby and she handed me this card, and I was like "A random card? What for?" and she said, "It's not random! Your grad!" and I was like "Oh... oh! I forgot I was done!" and then yeah haha... just took me by surprise.

I should technically be doing other things right now... like laundry, or preparing notes for my French student... buuut... she e-mailed me earlier and said that she's actually working during the period we'd schedule as this week's session so that sort of mucks things up. And I'm just lazy enough to put off writing the damn things now that I won't need them until next week.

I'm in a very good mood since this weekend. I spent most of Saturday with a very cool friend of mine and I'm seeing them again tomorrow and I can't wait. They'll be meeting me directly after I'm done work, so I have a feeling my day will purposefully drag on just to make this desire of mine take as long as possible to reach.

Anyway... I'm going to go eat supper... and hopefully get something productive done instead of coming back on here or playing Guitar Hero...

Cheers!

Sexy is...

2008-05-28T20:49:00.004-04:00

Hey all... well I was walking downtown today, looking around at all the different people, and I got to thinking. What is sexy? You've got your mainstream sexy, and everybody knows that... but what do we as individuals really think is sexy? So, I decided to write a little post here, letting y'all know what I think is sexy. Here we go.

Sexy is a girl wearing a red lacy bra under guy's clothes. It's guys with long flowing hair and girls with short hair. It's piercings and tattoos. It's guys who carry switch blades and have served time in jail. It's girls who haven't done a single naughty thing in their lives.

Sexy is an unshaven 20ish well built construction worker. It's Asian chicks and the way they say my name. It's girls with round bottoms, big titties and slim waists. It's older men and younger girls. It's guys working on cars with dirty hands. It's babes in school girl skirts. It's butch girls and good ol' boys. It's girls with pale skin and blood red lipstick. It's heavy duty leather biker boots and band t-shirts.

Sexy is corsets and fishnet stockings. It's guys in biker jackets and girls in flowing dresses. It's making out to heavy metal. It's the smell of sweat under cologne. It's having sex in the shower. It's girls in bikinis and guys with broad shoulders. It's firing guns.

Sexy isn't clean shaven, it isn't big sunglasses or straightened hair, it isn't guys in suits or wearing AE clothing. It's raw and delicious damnit. That's sexy.

***********************

On another note... I was broadcasting on JTV yesterday and had a wopping 60+ viewers... and then JTV died on me! *cries* Stupid bullshit... the entire site like freaked out. They need to get their ass in gear... seriously... As you can see... I was the 4th broadcaster listed by Most Viewers haha... if you click on the pic it gets huge and you can see more info ;)

Cheers!

All we wanna do is eat your brains!

2008-05-26T22:01:00.005-04:00

My friend Zac just showed me the most awesome song ever! "Re: Your Brains" by Jonathan Coulton. Enjoy the video :D It's totally awesome, especially if you love zombies ;)

*sings* All we wanna do is eat your brains!

Also... this is of the awesome. Hugh Laurie is sexy... even now when he's old and grey!

"I'd like 20 cock grip shafting sleeves."

You have to go to the actual site since embedding was disabled. *grumbles*

Cheers!

Fun Saturday

2008-05-24T15:28:00.007-04:00

Hey all! ^_^

Well my Saturday started off when my friend Aaron gave me a ring on my cell phone to tell me he was downtown, so I jumped out of bed and threw on some clothes and rushed out to meet him. We spent the day wandering around the Byward Market, having coffee, doing stupid shit. The weather is absolutely gorgeous too so it's perfect for that; sunny, warm, slight cooling breeze... ooooh yeah.

I bought myself my graduation present to myself too. We were at Trivium (goth clothing store, btw) as I wanted to look at their rings, and wound up getting a necklace instead. My wallet hurts as it cost me $85 with tax but I love it so.

So now I have a real spider encased in resin on a necklace (the strings of which you see here), a spider tattooed on my left arm, and another jewelery spider hanging from my neck! I won't be able to wear it every day, which is sorta sad, but I still looooves it.

I'm glad I got to hang with Aaron... I hadn't seen him in like two months, not since there was still snow on the ground haha. We were sitting in the Tim Ho at the Rideau Centre having coffee and I was like "I want a pic of you, smile!" and this is what I got instead haha. Apparently smiling to Aaron, means flipping the bird.

I love hanging with Aaron because I know he won't try anything, and I can just be myself around him. He's a total goof and we spent most of the day laughing and making dirty comments, haha.

As you can see, I was a very happy girl today! And I was wearing my spider necklace not two minutes outside of the store, haha! Yes, t'was a marvelous Saturday! He had to leave early though, because he lives pretty far outside of Ottawa and needed to be somewhere at a certain time to get a ride back home. Poo :( Aaron time is never long enough!

On another note... I finished my first week of work and it's still going great. I love it so far and I think I'm really going to enjoy working there... it's not really work to me since I like doing it so much! Yay!

Well, the day she is still young... so cheers! Hope you're Saturday is as good as mine!

Barbotte Fishing Weekend

2008-05-18T15:46:00.022-04:00

WARNING: THIS POST HAS GRAPHIC MATERIAL THAT MAY DISTURB SOME READERS, IF YOU ARE BOTHERED BY BLOOD OR HARM AGAINST ANIMALS, DO NOT READ FURTHER

There... now that that's out of the way and the pussies have gone... I can get started!

The bus ride to Sturgeon was alright... although Gabby passed out on me after the stop in Chalk River so I just listened to tunes the rest of the way. We got in right around 5AM as scheduled.

Walking to the bus station... with my AC/DC shirt...

On the bus... I'm bright and perky and Gabby is dead tired!

I pretty much chilled, visited family and stuff, until yesterday. Went to North Bay with my grand mother and my cousin Paul. Then when he and I got back from that, we left for fishing!

We just went to the docks in Lavigne since we weren't too confident in the weather and didn't want to be out in a boat if things got shitty. It didn't rain on us thankfully, but it got damn windy indeed at times.

We were out from about... 6PM to 11PM... that's when we ran out of worms. We went through about 8 dozen worms. Pretty good too considering we caught over 85 fish.

Here's some photos from yesterday's fishing... and more photos and two videos from cleaning the fish earlier today. This is where things start to get gory! ;)

Here's my dad, the man who raised me NOT to be some prissy bitch!

That rain just missed us.

The neighbor's daughter, Echo. She caught the first fish but wouldn't touch it.
So I held it for her... Barbotte!

I got a little bored? Kissy kissy Mr. Barbotte!

My cousin Paul... silly lad! He'll beat you up if you pick on me ^_^

Silly little Rock Bass... we don't want you!
But he's so ca-yute! He got set free...

Our catch!

Woot, cleaning fishies! As much fun as catching them!
I've always loved that knife...

The pile of fish I'd gotten done myself... about 50 right there.

I'd wiped my hands but this stuff took hardcore scrubbing to get off...

Here we got Perry, our neighbor, giving barbotte cleaning a try...
it's a lot different from fileting any other fish.
Sort of like peeling a banana...
but squishier and bloodier... and more fun!

And when I saw this... I just had to grab the camera...
Living dead fishy!
Most of them do this though... nerves and such...
It's pretty awesome.

I love how this post comes right after one about clubbing and dancing and drag queens... I'm so damned random.

This was definitely a totally wicked awesome weekend. Barbotte (catfish for you City Folk) fishing is probably one of my favorite activities. We're eating some for supper... in about half an hour... I can't wait! YUM!

Going away early... and Drag Queens!

2008-05-15T17:55:00.020-04:00

Hello all... well, I had a fantastic night last night. Danced my little heart out, got nice and drunk, enjoyed me some drag queens. Mmmm-hm. T'was of goodness. It sorta sucked at first because it was raining when I left the condo... but I ended up meeting Jackie on the bus so that saved having to wander around the market trying to find her.

We went to the club but it was only 10:30 and still pretty dead so we went out for a bit while she tried to find this dude who owes her some cash. Then she was hungry so we stopped at the McDicks. Then we went back to the club where not long after I ran into my ex boyfriend Gavin who was there meeting some of his friends. I ended up inviting him to just come crash at my place that night since he lives so far out that he would've had to leave at like 12:15 which blows.

Jackie left a little past 12:30 which sorta sucked but she doesn't dance so I took advantage of her leaving to go hit the dance floor... I love dancing sooo much. Dance like shit, horrible to see, but I love doing it... especially when having downed a couple screwdrivers before and during.

The drag show was of the kick ass... and guess what... I got y'all some photos AND some videos. So any of you doubters out there... I gots me some proof! Haha... this one queen... she'll blow you away, I promise.

But first... Jackie and I! No matter what I did... she always had her eyes closed... silly Jackie. She'd just gotten the back half of her head buzzed down that day, she was cute ^_^ I like me my butch girls, haha.

Now... on to some photos... savings the videos for last here... This is Saphire during Short Dick Man haha... awesomeness.

And here we have Zelda Marshall, my favorite of all queens. I remember the first time I met her. We complimented each other's shoes while in the washroom. Love me my Zelda!

Here we have Ginette Bobo (our lovely drunken hostess) telling Saphire she looks like a "Giant Gay Tampon". This and many other reasons are why I love Helsinki on Wednesday.

Saphire during her number...

And here is a queen who's name I've forgotten... something Shampoo... something.. hmm... anyway! As Ginette calls her... "The skinny bitch!"

These are photos of the queens during the final Mega Mix ending... much fun all around! Ginette in her brown dress... yelling away... And yes, Saphire's shitty ass blonde wig look is on purpose y'all, it's a joke.

SNIFF!

Now a bunch of the girls... Zelda, Ginette, Saphire, Skinny Bitch Shampoo haha...

And now for la piece de résistance... Scarlet! The new queen who popped her drag cherry at Ginette's show! Feast your eyes!

Now enjoy two clips of her doing her first number ever in front of a live crowd. We enjoyed it... you should too! And yes the first one is sideways... I was drunk... leave me alone... !

Some of the other girls doing their thing too... the videos would be longer but drunken Célynne has a hard time holding the stupid recording button down for more than 10 seconds at a time apparently.

"Don't want no short dick man!" Damn right, Saphire!

And not that it can compete after all that but... I had a rad afternoon with Cody...

And Gabby called me earlier today, uber hyper, and let me know that she's off work tomorrow so we're heading to Sturgeon tonight on the midnight bus instead of tomorrow at 3pm as we'd first planned.

And me running on 3 hours sleep because Gavin kept me up all night talking! Crap!

Hope y'all had as great a Hump Day as I did... Cheers!

Shopping - My enemy and my friend!

2008-05-14T19:45:00.004-04:00

Well... I went shopping today... I had intended to buy one thing. One. It shouldn't have cost me more than maybe $40. I ended up leaving the mall having spent just a little over $200. Albeit it was on things I've needed for a while now, but I still can't help feeling a little naughty spending so much money on nothing but clothing.

I called up Jackie last night and I'm meeting her downtown to go to Helsinki's. She's never been there and I want her to see the drag show since she likes the one at the Lookout so much. I'm bringing my camera tonight, gonna take some pics with the queens, so y'all can get a looksee at what I do when I go out!

Oh, and since y'all said you would read this... hello to my guys from JTV!

I finally heard back from the people I'm going to be working with... I'm supposed to start on Tuesday, the 20th of this month. Good thing too, I was getting worried.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow since my friend Cody is driving up from Almonte to see me. Tattooed and pierced, my kinda dude. ^_^ I'll be sorta tired though since I'm probably gonna be out pretty late tonight, and depending on how I feel when I get home, maybe up even later.

Anyhow, a few things to do yet before I leave tonight... hope you're having a good Hump Day! I know I am! ;)

Summer gorgeousness

2008-05-13T18:06:00.003-04:00

Well it's absolutely fantastical outside. Windy... but wonderful. This is my kind of weather. Sunny, warm, pleasant. But not so hot that you get all sweaty and gross and don't even want to move.

So... Saturday night I had a great night. I went out to the Lookout, because sitting around on my butt all of Saturday night just was not appealing. I didn't have anybody to go with, but I went anyway. They had a great drag queen show as per usual. One of the regular guys who work at the Lookout dressed up and did a couple numbers, the last one was hilarious. He totally stripped down to his skibbies and was all over people. Oh! And there was this one queen, from Montréal... she was amazing! Like amazing! She was so graceful and her outfits were fantastic and wow! And I met this cool chick called Jackie, wanna see if she won't go with me to Helsinki tomorrow night.

Today is the first day I really chill since I got here last Wednesday. Usually I've been going out 2-3 times a day, walking all over the place. Today I went around the block and bought a CD, haha, that's as far as I went.

I had my first tutoring session with Daphne today. We're only doing the basics, like the ABC's and 123's type of deal. She's a good student so far as I can tell. It's always nice when you're teaching someone who actually wants to be learning what you're showing them. Next week we're going to cover how to tell time in French! Haha... ahhh.

Well I had my shorts in a knot today, freaking out because my laptop was just shutting down with no notice or reason. Then someone pointed out that it might be overheating... -_-; Heh... yeah. Laptops on soft squishy beds don't get much air circulation apparently, haha. Silly me. I'm still puzzled by other things it's doing... including my browser windows blinking at me, or another identical one popping up and then disapearing. Ehhh... computers and the bugs they come with!

Anyhows... still no clue as to when I'm supposed to be starting work. *sigh* I really need to start soon. And by soon I mean the end of next week! Humph...

Well, I hope y'all are having a good week so far... hump day tomorrow! Cheers!

Back again

2008-05-09T22:07:00.003-04:00

Well I'm back at my friend Mark's again. I stayed here last semester when I had to come to Ottawa for my mid-terms, exams and first placement. I been back since Wednesday night... aaaand I'm still not done unpacking. I've been procrastinating sooo much it's ridiculous. I spent most of the day away yesterday and played Risk 2210 with my friend Cameron and his roomate Mathieu. Then today I lounged around looking at my stuff but not really doing much about it. I'll finish by Sunday hopefully.

I went out for supper with Mark, got back maybe ten minutes ago. We went out for sushi, and I had some sashimi since I don't really dig the rice or the sea weed... he gave me some of his california and tuna rolls, and I ate them, but only out of politeness. I had trouble keeping them down, bleh. I really loved my tuna sashimi though... sushi grade tuna is the best.

I saw my ex today for the first time in like... two weeks. Last time I saw him we were still together. He gave me back my book and a shirt I'd lent him. We chatted for like twenty minutes and parted ways. Was odd. Eh wells.

It's 10PM on a Friday and I'm in... oye. Eh well. I could prolly still go out to the Lookout... do some dancin' but I don't really feel like it, although that is my favorite spot. I just wanna chill.

I still don't know when I'm going to start work... I'd been told this Monday probably but now it's not... and they still don't know quite when. Waiting on hearing from the HR person they said. Blah. I want to start working! I need money!

Anyway... my money troubles are nothing new.

Cheers!